YW, and getting old

At YW tonight, we had a member of the stake presidency come speak to the girls about the temple. He began his talk by asking the girls to write down what they think their lives will be like in 15 years. One girl a few seats down added it up and said, "I'll be so old--I'll be like 30!" Yes, ladies, this is what old looks like.

Surprisingly, it didn't really bother me. I succumbed to the realization that I was old last year when I officially kissed the 20s goodbye. Though, it's a little daunting to be fully sailing into my 30s next week--I'm not really "barely past the 20s" when I'm 31. Sounds a little desperate to be still using that phrase.

If anything, this little activity made me laugh. Some of the girls shared what they wanted their lives to be like. All were 15 or younger (that shared), so they were all talking about their late 20s up to 30. Their lists included things like graduating college, getting married, having babies, and the like. Some were more specific ("I'll be pregnant for the first time") and some were more vague ("I have no idea what my life will hold in 15 years!"). But, each one made me smile at how much better my life is than I had initially planned.

When I was in YW, I had my life planned out. Here's how it went:

1. Graduate high school when 17.
2. Go to my favorite university, and major in Psychology.
3. At 21, go on a mission, probably foreign, and hopefully Spanish-speaking.
4. At 22.5, come home, resume education.
5. Complete Bachelor's degree. Start Clinical Psychology Ph.D program.
6. Graduate at 28. Starting working as a therapist for rape victims.
7. At 30, get married (as the last one of my friends--they all got married young, like 19 or 20). Marry a hot, tall (6'0"-6'3"), Spanish-speaking return missionary who is also a lawyer and has already agreed to live on the same street as my two best friends, B and L. Get married in Los Angeles temple. Best day ever!
8. Sometime after 30, maybe have kids--I mean, I'm supposed to have kids and all that.

Yep, that was the plan. And it worked pretty well...up to #2. I did graduate at 17, I did go to my favorite university, and I did major in Psych. And...then began the deviations. I had not planned on a semester in Nauvoo, without which my life would have a huge, gaping hole. I did not plan to meet my husband when I was 19 (okay, only a few days before I turned 20, but still!), and did not plan to actually be convinced not to serve a mission (not by him--he was completely supportive, though he made no false promises about waiting for me). I did not plan to get married at 20. I did not plan to stop my education after receiving my Master's degree. I did not plan to have a child at 23, or work in Human Resources, or live in Utah. I did not anticipate the strong urge to quit my job and stay home with my kids.

Little did I know how much better my life could be than what I had planned! My scariest nightmares are ones where I lose my husband or child(ren), and those ones haunt me even while awake. I never thought I'd stay up late crying because some child I had never met on the other side of the country had something horrible happen, and I realized my own inability to protect my children from the evils of the world. I would never have understood the joy at watching my sons play soccer, at the way a simple hug or grin could make my day go from horrible to perfect in an instant. I would never have felt the frustration at taking photo after photo, and editing said photos for so long, and never being able to capture all that is amazing about my children.

Yes, they can be stinkers. They can drive me crazy when they stain my already-ugly carpet, shake my bed when I'm green to the teeth with morning sickness, or constantly interrupt ("Mom....Mom....Mom....Mom..."). But they are the best part of my day, and I'm so lucky that my plan almost completely derailed. But, thank goodness I still married the hot, tall, Spanish-speaking return missionary. Otherwise, I might have some ugly children. ;)

Thank goodness that's not the case.

Welcome A!

I suppose I need to write down A's birth story before I forget all the details. I had expected to have a similar experience as I did with B2, but it was quite different.

A was due June 11, 2012. As I had anticipated, I started dilating early. At my 36 week appt, I was already 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. And, as before, I was hoping for an early delivery. I was also hoping not to have two of my boys sharing birthdays, because that was a definite possibility--at 36 weeks, B2's birthday was 6 days away and D's was 3.5 weeks away. We were also moving in to our new house the weekend after my 36 week appt. I asked the doctor if lifting heavy boxes would throw me into labor, but he sadly informed me that at best it would do nothing; at worst, I would get hurt (sore muscles and all). He said the move would have no positive or negative impact on my pregnancy.

The move went well, and I went in two days later for my 37th week appointment hoping for good news. Sadly, I didn't get it--I had made absolutely no progress. For me, that's unusual. I usually dilate 1/2 to 1 cm per week and continually efface, but I hadn't done either. I began to resign myself to the idea that I was probably not going to have another May baby.

By the 38th week appt, I had made a little more progress. I was up to 3 cm dilated and still around 70-75% effaced. With B2's birthday now behind me, I was ready to have this baby quickly before it got too close to D's birthday. The doctor swept my membranes, hoping to throw me into labor. Alas, no luck. I just bled a little for a day or two and had some wonderfully awesome (*cough*) and intense contractions, but stayed pregnant.

At 39 weeks, I was so done being pregnant! D's birthday was now in 4 days, so I had the doctor sweep my membranes again, hoping that I could go into labor, have this baby, and be home before D's birthday.  Again, no luck--just more contractions, but they never got close enough together to go the hospital and would stop by bedtime. I tried walking and cleaning and all sorts of stuff to keep those contractions going, as well as applying essential oils to encourage the contractions, but no luck.

I saw the doctor again on my due date, June 11th. By now, I had been pregnant longer with this baby than with any other (B2 was born at 1:00 a.m. on his due date, and we induced D a week early), so I was getting really sick of being pregnant and ready to snuggle this cute (and likely ginormous) baby. I was also getting a little scared of having a stillborn child. Even though the doctor reassured me that the odds of stillborn didn't go up until at least a week after my due date (and more likely two weeks), I asked to be scheduled for an induction on Friday, June 15th. I didn't want to go a whole weekend without being able to easily (and cheaply) see my doctor in his office instead of having to go to the ER, just in case. I also had the doctor sweep my membranes again, just in case. He (Dr M) mentioned that he was the on-call doctor until 7:00 a.m. the next morning, so he said he hoped to see me before he got off call. I agreed. I didn't really get many contractions that afternoon, and I got sadder and sadder as I watched my due date come to a close.

I was woken up by contractions at 3:45 a.m. The contractions weren't terribly intense, but they were intense enough to wake me up (that hadn't happened before...ever) and seemed to be coming fairly close together. Not wanting to unnecessarily freak out my husband, I went into the living room to time the contractions and see if they were getting closer together, staying the same distance, or growing further apart. Plan failed--B1 felt me get out of bed and within seconds he was out of bed too. We timed a few contractions, and they were lasting about a minute and were coming every 3 minutes. We decided to head to the hospital. After my short labor with B2, we were afraid of having a freeway baby and didn't want to wait any longer. So far during the pregnancy, I hadn't had any contractions this close together (except the occasional 2 or 3 that would be close together but then nothing for hours or days). We packed up the hospital bags, called B1's parents (who were kind enough to wake up in the middle of the night and drive to our house so we didn't have to wake up B2 and D), and we were off to the hospital. My contractions weren't as intense as they were with B2 as we drove, so I was better able to handle B1's crazy driving. :) Just kidding--he did really well, especially with avoiding speeding up and slowing down dramatically.

We got to the hospital around 4:45 a.m., and was immediately checked in. We didn't have to be monitored like I was with D--I guess they figured that since a.) I was technically past my due date, b.) I was already dilated to 3 cm, c.) I had been timing my contractions for nearly an hour, and c.) this wasn't my first pregnancy so I theoretically knew what was real labor, they would accept my word for it. I was taking to the delivery room and got settled in.

B1 and I had discussed prior the plan of me going all natural with this delivery. With B2 and D, I had had IV painkillers (Demerol, I believe) during the labor. Both boys seemed to struggle a very tiny bit as well--B2 struggled during delivery, when his oxygen dropped and I had to put on oxygen mask, and D after delivery when he couldn't clear the fluid out of his lungs. While I don't know all the research to know if these are even known risk factors for IV painkillers and delivery, I felt that I needed to not do any painkillers this time and see if it made a difference. We explained that we did not want any painkillers to the nurse, but she still said I had to have an IV inserted and taped off due to hospital policy. It happened so fast, and I was not happy about it after the fact. I found out later that we could have avoided that if we had signed a waiver, and I wish we had been more forceful with the nurse. Oh well...notes for me for next time.

With B2, I was only in the hospital for about 3 hours before he was born--I was being monitored for an hour, at which point I was at least 5 cm dilated and moved to the labor room. I then went from a 5 to a 10 in another hour, at which point my water was broken and I started to push. He was born an hour later. So, I was hoping for another quick delivery (though hopefully much less pushing). But, sadly, I went at the normal rate--I was dilating about a cm per hour. Thankfully, my contractions were not intense for most of that time. I would describe them as uncomfortable--I would have to stop talking and focus on breathing, but other than that the time passed fairly easily, although slowly. We joked with Dr. M, who stopped in every hour or so, that he must be the only OB at the doctors' office who knows how to sweep membranes, because the other two OBs had not been successful. He kept me laughing whenever he came in. At 7:00 a.m. Dr M went home, and Dr. L came in! Dr. L was the same OB who delivered B2, and the reason why we returned to that practice for this pregnancy.

Around 9:00 a.m. the contractions started getting worse--they were more intense and painful, and seemed to be even closer together. I was checked, and still only around 7 cm. I feared that I would have another 3 hours of painful contractions, and was starting to doubt my decision to go natural. Brian and I talked, and we figured we would wait a little longer to see how much more I could handle. At 9:30 a.m., I asked the nurse to check me and I was still around 7.5 cm. I broke down and asked for the painkillers at this point, only to be told no--she said at this point I could go so quickly that it's not advised to have painkillers injected.. The contractions right after being checked were so intense that I quickly moved to the stage of thinking, "I can't do this!" After one or two contractions, I felt my body start pushing the baby. The nurse had mentioned that my OB had left the hospital to go to his office (it's just on the other side of the parking lot), so B1 quickly summoned the nurse and told her that my body was pushing and we needed the doctor back. By this point, it's now around 9:45 a.m. The nurse checked me again, and I was nearly at 10 cm. She summoned the doctor, and I started pushing. I was shocked that my body was pushing this baby out, because as of yet my water still hadn't broken. I didn't know it was possible to start delivering the baby while he was still enclosed in the amniotic sac. I guess I didn't pay enough attention in my birthing class when I was pregnant with B1. My water finally broke a few pushes before the baby's head came out. So, I had my first "spontaneous rupture." As with B1, there was meconium in the amniotic fluid, but I guess that's what I get for having full-term babies (and another reason I'm terrified of going past my due date).

I imagine the rest is fairly typical of labor--I pushed, screamed some, insisted I couldn't deliver this baby, and tried to convince the doctor that the baby's head wasn't going to fit, while he tried to convince me that there was plenty of room. Ha! You're going to tell the pregnant lady who is feeling every cm of her baby's head burning its way out that there's more room??? And then, suddenly, the head pops out, the body quickly follows, and all is right with the world.

I had always heard stories about people saying what a spiritual experience birth is, and I had felt kinda like a horrible person because the delivery had been such horrible experiences for me in the past. But, this time, I had had that spirtual experience. As soon as A's head was out, I felt an outpouring of peace, happiness, love, and so many other positive emotions that I don't even have words for. All thoughts of pain, frustration, and so on that I had just had were instantly gone, and all I could think about was this sweet baby in front of me, and he was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. I know it's probably silly and can't be proven scientifically, but I honestly think not having painkillers with this delivery made a huge difference. Now, I'm not saying that you can't have a similar wonderful experience with IV painkillers or epidurals, but for me the experience was so much better without the medications.

Little Strider, as he was known in the womb, was born at 10:20 a.m. He weighed 7 pounds and 13 ounces. I was shocked that he was so little. B2 was 6 ounces heavier and born one day earlier, so I was expecting at least an 8 pound baby. We moved into the recovery room, and within a few hours I was ready to go home, except we didn't have a name for the baby. B1 and I spent most of that day talking about it, and decided on A. Both his first name and nickname both have references to Lord of the Rings. The middle name was in a dream that B1 had, and we both liked it. It's a big name for a little guy, so we mainly call him by his initials.

My recovery was very fast and easy. I didn't have any pain medication in the hospital (to the shock of the nurses--they didn't seem to know what to do with me since I didn't need helping peeing and I didn't need drugs), and I didn't have an episiotomy or tear when delivery. Within a few hours, I felt almost as good as new (though it still hurt a bit to sit), and we pushed to be discharged the following morning. We were discharged about 26 hours after A was born.

So, overall, this birth was a wonderful experience. Yes, there was pain and frustration and fatigue, but mostly I remember the wonderful feelings associated with snuggling this cute, adorable baby. A was already sleeping 4-5 hours at a time in the hospital, and would sleep best at night, so I have been able to do fairly well on his sleep schedule. He hasn't grown as quickly as my other boys, which makes me both happy (because he stays a little boy for just a bit longer) and scared (because I'm worried he's not eating enough). I am thrilled that I get to stay at home with him and I don't have to leave him with a babysitter 5 days a week. I'm glad that I didn't stay on maternity leave for the full 12 weeks with my other boys, because it just would have been too heart-wrenching to come back after that. So I am just loving being able to cuddle A all day, every day. I may even indulge him a bit too much by holding him for his afternoon naps and letting him sleep in our bed after his 4:30 a.m. feeding, but I know he won't stay little for long.

A was blessed on Sunday, July 15th. Rinz and J came in to town from AR, and my parents, E, and K were in town from CA. We were sorely missed B1's sister C1, her husband B, and their kids, but other than that all of A's immediate and close extended family were there! Thank you to all who came--you made it the perfect day!

Not A (Complete) Failure

Sunday was a glorious day in our house. Sr and I got back from our week-long cruise late Saturday night (yes, I'll post about that eventually), so after our absence our boys were really excited to be with us again. So, on Sunday they were on their best behaviors, especially during church. Each Sunday we usually give each one of the boys a snack container with some type of snack (goldfish, cereal, etc.), because they're usually quiet while they eat and that's a small sort of accomplishment. Well, this Sunday B2 completely finished his goldfish fairly quickly, and quietly put the container away. That alone was amazing, but what happened next nearly brought me to tears. D had noticed that B2's container was all gone, and his container was still mostly full. So, without any attempts at getting recognition for what he was about to do, he pulled out B2's container, took off the lid, took off the lid to his own container, and dumped half of his goldfish into B2's container. I was watching, curious, as he struggled to put the lids back on. D then put B2's container back where he found it. At this point, I pointed Jr in the direction of his container and he was so happy to discover that he had more fish to eat!

I sat and thought about D giving up half of his snack without being asked, and without seeking glory for the kindness he was doing. And, for a brief second, I thought that I must be doing something right...even if they attempt to annoy each other to the point of insanity most of the time.

Happy Father's Day!

I've started this post several different times in several different ways. I mean, how can you really post everything about fathers in one lousy post? And how to make in meaningful without being cheesy? So, here's my best attempt.

I seriously have the best men in my family. Let's start at the top and work our way down. My Grandpa A is amazing. Among other things, he taught me at a young age that true love grows stronger with time, not weaker. As I've grown older, I've never seen anyone love their spouse the way my grandpa does. My grandma is currently suffering with dementia, and despite all the hardships this brings, I am touched at what it has done to what I always thought was the perfect marriage. My grandpa is so considerate of my grandma and her feelings and frustrations, and he is still so sweet with how he talks about her. I hope someday to have the marriage that my grandpa has modeled for me.

My Grandpa S was also an amazing man. As much as I used to joke about how I wished I was more from my mom's side than my dad's growing up, I proudly kept my maiden name for my middle name when I got married. My grandpa was a convert to the Church, and yet you'd never know it. He was so devoted to the gospel, even serving several missions with his wife in his later years (including to my beloved Nauvoo Temple). My grandpa taught me that life is not to be wasted, that money should be saved well and spent well, and that it's okay to love people but not like them sometimes. And, of course, Grandpa taught me that everyone can be the favorite (even though I'm sure that I'm REALLY the most favorite grandchild...).

Of course, awesome grandparents means awesome parents. Since this is a Father's Day post, I'm going to try to talk about my dad without getting too emotional. Or not. :) Let's start by not using my words:

"My daddy is my fav’rite pal,
And I help him ev’ry day.
It’s plain to see I want to be
Like him in ev’ry way.
He teaches me that honesty
Is best in all I do.
I’m very glad that he’s my dad,
And I know he loves me too."
(LDS Children's Songbook, "My Dad", song #211)

I wanted to be just like my daddy growing up, even though I was a girl. I wanted to go on scouting trips and mow the grass and clean the pool. I wanted to be able to wear swimsuits that were just shorts and have ratty tennis shoes for working in the yard and know how to fix everything from toilets to walls (with two older brothers, my dad patched a lot of walls...). I wanted to be magically good at painting walls and be able to sense when things where done properly. I wanted to know how to check my oil, change a flat tire, and when a mechanic was lying to me. I wanted to jump high on the trampoline, be over 6 feet tall so I could be good at basketball, and be the best softball player ever.

I may not have gotten everything I wanted (I'm sure my neighbors are thankful that I no longer want to wear swimsuits that are just shorts!), but my daddy was able to teach me many of the above. I know how to check my oil and change a flat tire, though I'm still relying on my mechanic to be honest. I know how to mow grass, unclog sink drains, build a fire, and set up a tent. I knew how to pick a good man to marry because I tried to find one that was like my dad. I've learned to have compassion based on watching my dad buy food for homeless people. I've learned that sometimes you have to watch your kids do dumb things because they're too stubborn to listen to their wiser parents, but that you love them all the same. My dad taught me that it's incredibly valuable to learn the scriptures on the deepest level you can, because there's so much more to every story than what's obvious in the first reading. I've learned that Seminary is the best part of high school, and it's well worth it to wake up super early in the morning to go. I've learned that some things are just common courtesy, like filling up the gas tank before you return a borrowed car. I've learned that husbands should love their wives, and children should obey, honor, and respect their mothers, because my daddy taught me this by his example and by busting my butt when I didn't treat my mom as well as I should have.

My daddy IS my favorite pal. I think he's the best dad a girl could ever have, and if you don't agree with me then we can just take this outside...

Finally, no post on Father's Day would be complete without paying homage to my wonderful hubby, the father of my children. I seriously lucked out on this one. Though I'm sure he'll modestly disagree, B1 is an awesome dad. He works so hard so I can be at home with our kids. He's B2's biggest fan at his t-ball games. He wrestles B2 and tickles him almost to the point where B2 can't handle it anymore. I absolutely love watching him play with the kids. B2 and D of course just adore their daddy. As a husband he is so supportive. He came and watch me run my half marathon (can you say BORING! I think the only sport less interesting to watch than running is probably rhythmic gymnastics). He went to all my work parties even through he didn't really know anyone there (except during the times my sister worked there), and never complained about being bored when we started talking shop. He doesn't complain (much) when I spend hours blogging or editing photos, and lets me spend lots of money on hobbies like cake decorating. He laughs, and only grimaces a little, when I told his coworker that the chocolate cake I brought for B1 was really feces, because I didn't want the coworker to sneak it (I'm such a lady, aren't I?). B1 is such a wonderful husband and father, and we are so blessed to have him.

I could continue on and talk about all the wonderful other fathers out there, like my brothers, brothers-in-law, father-in-law, grandparents-in-law, but emotionally I just don't have it in me. Sorry guys. But seriously, Happy Father's Day!!!!

I wanna be like my brother...

Tonight I got a little teary-eyed while our kids said prayers. Why, you ask? Well, first, we were trying to explain to B2 that D follows his example. At the time, B2 was twirling in circles as we were desperately trying to get the boys to kneel down. B2 decided to test our theory, and knelt down. Immediately, D stopped twirling and knelt by his brother. B2 said his prayers, and then helped D say his. It was one of those moments where we felt that we might actually be doing something right as parents.

After prayers, both boys got in bed. D has been insisting that anything B2 gets at bedtime, he gets too. So, B2 got tuck-ins and good night kisses, so D insisted on the same. D decided to one-up his brother and gave Mommy stuck kisses.


I wish every night was this good. I almost feel bad about putting them to bed if they're going to be all cute like this. But then I hear D scream and I'm happy it's bedtime.

#Reverb10

So, last year I did the #Best09 Challenge, where each day I had to answer the prompted question. I really enjoyed it, and wanted to do it again this year. This year it's called the #reverb10. So, I'm a little late getting started (I was supposed to start Dec 1), but better late than never, right? So, let me get caught up.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
For me, I think the best word is BUSY! This year has been busy, busy, busy. B1 has been flying like crazy, we've been working our tails off to get out of debt, I'm still working full-time, my sister finished her senior year of volleyball (so of course we were at every game), and so on. Next year, I want my word to be contentment. I will be making a major change, going from working full-time to being a stay-at-home mom. By the end of the year, I'm hoping to get some type of routine down and I'm hoping to LOVE being a mom.

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Life keeps me from writing a lot. I'm sure I could spend more time writing, but then I'd spend less time with my kids or hubby. So, I'm not planning on making that change any time soon.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
Maybe this is cheating to pick a moment so recent, but last night was my company Christmas party. I've never had such fun. We started off with dinner. Then, my boss gave everyone $100 in gold coins and told us to go shopping for an assigned person in the company. The twist? We were playing a game of Assassin (with dart guns we had received from him the week before). So, we had to shop while watching our backs. While in Big 5, I had a fellow employee try to gangsta shoot me (with his gun held sideways) while he used his wife as a sheild. In Costco, I shot a fellow manager square in the back. Outside Costco, I had a dueling war with a different manager as we ran in circles to avoid the other's darts. In Sports Authority, I had a James Bond moment as a I shot at a coworker while running sideways. After the shopping and Assassin were over, we gave and explained our gifts, and watched our Christmas video. This was the first time I had some embarrassing footage in our annual video, and I had a great time laughing at myself while my coworkers teased me. It was just overall a great night.

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
Having young children, creating a sense of wonder is easy. All I have to do is sit down and watch or listen to them, and I'm amazed. I'm amazed at how smart B2 is getting. In fact, just today I picked him up from the babysitter's house and he started singing a song about the different kids in his preschool class. He is a sponge, so I'm very lucky to have him in such a great preschool.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of a very good friend this year. Without too many details, the relationship had grown unhealthy. For a while, I felt very lonely. But, the sacrifice was definitely worth it.

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
The last thing I made was food--of course. I'm always cooking. I made thumbprint cookies that were rolled in pecans. They were okay. I think I can improve on the recipe. This next year, I want to learn how to edit videos, and start editing our home videos and burning them to DVDs.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I have, even more so, developed community at my work. Now that we have passed the Christmas party, my resignation is looming near and it makes me sad. I will still be working there as an independent contractor, and will be in the office occasionally, but I will really miss the daily association with all the wonderful people there. In 2011, I really want to make friends in my home ward. Right now I feel like I get along really well with people in my ward, but I don't feel like we're FRIENDS. At best, I feel like we're neighbors. (I really hope this doesn't offend anyone!! Seriously, I know the problem is on my end--there are great people in my ward!) With my working full-time, I've missed out on a lot of opportunities like play groups, hanging out at the pool or parks, and so on. I'm super excited to jump into that as much as I can in a few more weeks.

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
This is really hard for me. First, I don't think I'm all that different, and second, I really have no idea what I do that makes people light up. The only thing that really comes to mind is that I love to serve others, and usually anonymously (I don't want to feel like I'm serving for the appreciation, so I like to do it anonymously). Unfortunately, I'm not so gracious about receiving service...

December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
As mentioned previously, last night's Christmas party for my work ROCKED!

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
I think the wisest decision we made was the preschool we chose for Bw. His teacher is amazing, and he learns so much. He absolutely loves learning. He's learning his letters, and learning to write them. He looks forward to his homework! He sings songs I've never heard that I'm sure he learns at preschool. That was the best decision we made.

December 11 – What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Wow...what a doozy! Here it goes.

1. Negativity. I have a very nasty habit of being negative, especially about myself. I'll complain about my stretch marks from my pregnancy (or the hundreds of other things wrong with my body, mostly pregnancy-caused or pregnancy-related), my loneliness, my crows feet that are growing around my eyes, my hair that never seems cute, my clothes that never seem flattering, my disobedient kids, my inability to control my temper...I could go on. My life could seriously do without all this negativity. My goal for next year is to curb my negative comments. I want to try to give more service, so I don't think about myself so much. I want to put a little more effort into my appearance. I want to spend less time in front of the TV and computer and spend more time with my kids (I get more frustrated with the kids if they interrupt me while I'm watching TV or working on the computer than almost any other time). I think this can change my life because I will be happier if I'm not focused on the negative so much.

This may seem silly, but that's the only thing I can think of right now. Maybe that's a good sign--my life is mostly going well. I just need to focus on what's right instead of what's wrong. :)

December 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
This is kind of a weird question. I don't know that I ever feel like I'm separate from my body. So, my answer is pretty much always.

December 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Oh dear, you're in for it if you start asking me plans. My goals next year are to get back in shape. I want to do this by completing P90X. By that time, it should hopefully be warmer, so I want to start running. I want to run a half marathon by the end of the summer, and hopefully a full marathon next summer. I think I can hit all these goals unless I get pregnant (no plans for that now, but you never know...).

December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
Wow...there's a lot I appreciate. I think the one thing I've come to appreciate the most is living so close to family. We thought we were going to be moving out of state about a month ago, and I was so sad about the possibility of leaving my sisters behind, my brother, my in-laws, my extended family, and so on. So, as much as I hate living in the cold and I tend to complain about the state in which we live, I LOVE being near my family!


December 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
B2 loves attention. We took him to Trafalga's and he loved being with his mom and dad and going mini golfing.

D said Mama first. He now gives me hugs and kisses. He's a momma's boy, and I love it. His new thing is he likes to wipe my nose with a tissue. He's so gentle when he does it.

Rinz finished volleyball. I got teary-eyed when the last point was scored. I'm so proud of her. And a little bit jealous, to be honest.

Beez is pregnant. She looked so pretty last night at the Christmas party. I never understood why people say pregnant women glow until I saw her last night.

B1 has been working so hard for our family. He's so excited about finally being the breadwinner. I'm so excited about being the happy little housewife.

B2 and D love their grandparents so much. I'm lucky they have one set who lives close and one set that visits often.

E and K finally got their baby. O is the most beautiful little baby. You can see in K's eye how much O means to her. I've never seen E prouder.

CP has been so good to me. I'm going to miss being there every day. I need to find more people I can refer to work there--anyone who doesn't work there is missing out.

What are you thankful for? Part Deux

This is my gratitude list, part deux (I don't know why I'm writing that in French, since I don't speak it...and no, it's not Folie a Deux, though that's pretty awesome...okay, REALLY awesome). On a side note, why do I ramble so much in my blog posts? Do I ramble this much when I talk? Anyone? *Crickets*

Okay, back to my gratitude list. As a summary of list 1:

• My parents.
• My husband.
• The LDS temples.
• Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.
• Dave Ramsey.
• My job.
• My kids.
• Prayer.
• Extended family.
• My sisters, Beez and Rinz.
• My many nieces' and nephews' birth mothers.

And now, continuing on...

1. My in-laws--how many people can really say this? Me, because my in-laws rock! When I got married, I got a whole bunch of in-laws at once. In B1's family, you couldn't really separate "immediate" family from "extended," because it was pretty much the same thing (no, not in an in-bred sort of way). Some of B1's best friends growing up were his cousins, and their family did reunions every year--his grandpa's family on down did a 3 day reunion, and his great-great grandpa's family on down did a one day reunion. Holy cow! But anyway, I was quickly introduced to B1's 4 millions cousins, aunts, uncles, and 2nd cousins once removed. While they are all great, the part I really want to brag about is B1's sisters, their husbands, their kids, and my mother- and father-in-law. B1's sisters really took me in when B1 and I started dating. They even told B1 at one point that if he ever decided to break up with me, he would be kicked out of the family and I would take their place. That was comforting, since at times it seemed like our relationship was at a standstill. But, that's another post for another time. I feel sometimes like we're the slacker siblings, since we don't make as much effort as we ought to to hang out with them. But, CH, know that we think about you guys often, just not at times you're available. :) And CB, we would hang out all the time if you lived closer. Okay, that's a lie, as clearly we don't hang out with CH because we're too busy...well, more so because CH is too busy. :) [Wow, the rambling is getting really bad...] So, not only our my in-laws on B1's side awesome, but my in-laws on my side are awesome too! K, Poos, Heyhey, and JoJo are riots!!! They make us laugh all the time, and I can't help feel like our family wasn't really complete until they came in. I thought we were always the coolest family, but now I know we are definitely the coolest family because we've grown in the coolness factor exponentially.
2. Our neighbor J-no-nickame, because he gave us smoked turkey. He smoked it himself, and oh...my...GOSH, it was the most amazing thing ever. He agreed to smoke us a turkey if we bought all the supplies. Unfortunately, we ran out of money in our budget in November, so we haven't had it yet, which means I've gone waaaay to long without it. I feel like Barney Gumble when he won a lifetime supply of Duff Beer--"Just hook it to my veeeeeins!" If I could have a steady IV of smoked turkey, but in a way that I could actually taste it, I would so do it. Mmm....turkey...*drooling*
3. People at work who consider leaving but don't. You know who you are.
4. My bestest friends ever, BHC and LHF. These two girls got me through insanity in high school, stupidity in college (and the reverse of those two as well), and life as an "adult." Some say they made their lifelong friends in college--I'm lucky enough to have made mine 4 years earlier.
5. Good books. I was a huge book nerd as a young kid, and it's coming back with the discovery of Brandon Sanderson. I'm not even sure how many books I've read this year, but it's a lot, and it's sooo much fun. Yay for GoodReads.com and good friends who give me recommendations for amazing books!
6. [I am so ashamed to admit this, but...]Utah volleyball, without which I would have had no life (but more time) for the last four years.
7. And, of course, the bestest school ever, BYU. Go Cougars!
8. Sleep, which brings me to the close of this post...so sleepy....

So long volleyball

This week my little sister has her last two college volleyball games ever (well, as a player at least). It's crazy--my best estimate is that I've watched 60 games in the last 4 years, not counting games I watched online or via Gametracker, or spring tournaments. Holy crap! No wonder my autumns have been so busy lately. And yet, I don't regret a single minute, except the minutes I was late. I've said things like, "Go Utah" exponentially more than I ever thought I would. And, while I'm still not a Utah fan by any means, I won't be bad-mouthing the Utah volleyball team any time soon, even when I'm cheering on my Cougars.

So, as the season draws to a close, I say "Well done girls!" to KB, KF, and, most importantly, my awesome sister Rinz.

What are you thankful for?

Lately I've felt the need to express more gratitude, so here's a shot at listing some of the many things for which I am grateful (in no particular order):

1.  My parents - they taught me, often without me ever realizing that they were teaching me, not to drink or smoke, to value virtue and integrity, to be a hard worker, and to never settle for less than my best. They raised me in the gospel so I didn't have to struggle with questions of "Is there a God?" and "Why am I here?" -- I knew the answers before I knew to ask the questions. They worked hard so I could play sports, go to Girls Camp, have a dog, go to college, and have my dream wedding. They dote on my children, and make me feel like their favorite (though, deep down, I know we're all their favorites, but I'll never admit that out loud).
2. My husband. I don't have words to really describe this well, but I'll do my best. B1 is an amazing person. He loves me when I'm pregnant, with stretch marks and a Ding Dong in each hand. He loves me when I'm cranky, and loves me when I'm fed up with our kids. He lets me travel to see my parents whenever I want, and doesn't complain when I put my sister's volleyball team ahead of everything else in life. He cleans our house on his day off so I don't have to do it on my day off. I couldn't ask for a better man to spend eternity with.
3. The LDS temples - though I don't go as often as I should, every time I do go I'm reminded of why it's so awesome to be LDS. Everything about our religion just makes sense, and the temple is the cherry on top. It's the only place you can go where you can instantly feel at peace, where you forget you are serving others, and where there are no comparisons about who is pretty, richer, smarter, or anything else. Plus, it's a great way to get answers to prayers that you just can't anywhere else.
4. Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, because everything is right with the world when you're eating a pint of that in bed watching TV. At least, until the spoon scraps the bottom.
5. Dave Ramsey - with his plan, we went from being over $25,000 in debt and us not being able to afford having me stay at home with our kids, to being debt free (except our house), feeling like we got a huge pay raise, and my resignation notice in so that starting in late January 2011, I get to finally be a SAHM mom!
6. My job - 5 1/2 years ago, I was unemployed and desperate. A friend of mine got me an interview at CP, and after some begging and pleading I was offered a job. On my first day, this friend quit. I almost walked out as well, but stayed, and I am so glad I did! I've had the best time at CP that I've had at any job. The people are amazing, and I have learned so much about business, management, and dealing with people. The only thing that could pull me away from CP is my kids.
7. My kids - I know I've had some hard times with my kids (most especially every day from June 2009 to May 2010 with B2--age three sucked!!), but coming home at the end of the day, seeing B2 run up to me while screaming, "MOMMY!" and then giving me a big hug, and watching D's face light up when he sees me just melts my heart. No matter how many things I do wrong, they forgive me and I'm still (as B2 often says) their best friend.
8. Prayer, especially B2's prayers. B2 is now saying his prayers mostly by himself, and I love it! I love listening to him literally telling his Heavenly Father about his day, and I love hearing him spend so much time praying for others. It helps me understand more why we are commanded to become like little children.
9. Extended family. Recently, B1's company announced that they were going to be reducing their airport staff in Salt Lake, as well as a few other airports, and moving those pilots to either Houston or Minneapolis. We were devastated at the idea of being forced to move away from so much family (within about an hour's drive, I have 3 of my 4 siblings, B1's parents, his sister, my grandpa's wife, my grandma, and a large number of B1's and my cousins, aunts, and uncles). Thankfully, we later found out that they decided instead to make the move voluntary, so we will be staying in Salt Lake a little longer. While I appreciated having family so close before this happened, I'm even more grateful now.
10. My sisters, Beez and Rinz. Beez and I have been working together for the last two years, and it's been great to see her all the time. Beez and I didn't really get along too well as kids (I think it was largely our ages, but I was also a nerd while Beez was more outgoing), but we get along great now. It has also been a blast cheering Rinz on at her volleyball games (and trying to be cool by association with all her fun teammates), and hanging out with her whenever we can in the off season. Plus, both Rinz and Beez married awesome husbands, which just makes life that much better. They babysit my kids, and they drive (in their words) "all the way out there" to our house to hang out, which I know can be time consuming. So, basically, they're awesome, and I feel lucky to be their sister.
11. My many nieces' and nephews' birth mothers, who sacrificed so much so that my sisters-in-law can have babies of their own. I hope you understand what an amazing gift you have given not only to them, but to the many extended family members who love them so much too.

I know there's so much more. I could start listing each person in my family and extended family, but I'm not sure anyone wants to read that. Plus, wherever I stop, someone will be left out and I don't want to make that person (or people) feel bad. So, this is by no means an exhaustive list, and I'll try to express my gratitude more often.

A much needed update

I meant to finish this post a few weeks ago, so it's going to end up being only a few stories and mostly photos. I'm starting to follow a few photography blogs, and it gets me really excited to improve my photography. I don't by any means think I'm fantastic, but I think my subjects make up for a lot of my lack of skill. I mean, who can't capture cute pictures of these kids???

Okay, onto the stories. On March 16th, it was starting to warm up here in Utah (just a fluke though -- it was snowing today). So, after a very long winter indoors, we decided to take the kids to the park to get rid of some of B2's cabin fever. B2 was about to go down the slide, and B1, D, and I were sitting on the bench. B2 shouts out, "HAH! I've got you now fools!" B1 and I busted up laughing, and still have no idea where he got that phrase. Our best guess is Plankton (from Spongebob Squarepants).

Later that night, we put B2 to bed at his usual time (8:00 p.m.), and B1 and I settled in and watched some M*A*S*H. We turned out light off at 10:00, but heard B2 playing around still in his room. B1 got up to tell him to go to bed, walked in to his room, and saw B2 wearing his Batman hat, bomber jacket, backpack, and sandals. He must have been doing something important, because he also held his toy cell phone. He turned to his dad, and in all seriousness said, "Dad, I'm on the phone!" I think he was channeling a 15-year-old girl with that comment.

We went in to check on B2 during his nap, and found him asleep with his hat over his eyes. He seriously looked so much like a teenager that I think a few hairs fell off both B1's and my heads.

On March 21st, all of us were sitting in church during Sacrament meeting. It was really quiet (rather unusual for our ward) when B2 turned to me and said, "Guess what Mom? I love you."

Guess what B2? I love you too.

Yesterday was Monday, so it was back to work for me. B2 woke up before I left, so I got him settled into his routine of a Clif bar, sippy of milk, and some really long DVD to give Daddy as much time as possible to sleep in. I kissed B2 and told him I was leaving for work and that I loved him. His response? "I know Mom." Well, at least he knows. But, later that night, he was a little more sentimental. I had been home from work about half hour and was making him dinner. He randomly came up to me and gave me a hug, then said, "Mom, I'm glad you came back." It almost broke my heart to think that my boy thinks he's losing me every day, but at least I get to come home every night (at least, most nights -- next week is our quarterly managers retreat).

Okay, some random pictures, and then I'm going to try to comfort D because he's been crying for the last two hours. I think he's starting to get separation anxiety. Good thing B2 is gone, because I think D will be sleeping with me tonight.

Good night!

Some random stories

Although it hasn't been that long since my last post, it seems like forever because so much as happened that I wanted to blog about. So, let's go chronologically.

A few weeks ago, B1 and I went to Chilis for dinner with the boys. My boss gave us a gift card there for Christmas, so we figured it was a good time to use it. Well, it wasn't really, since we went on a Friday night at 6:15 and the placed was PACKED and it was freaking cold. I won't go into why it took us nearly an hour to be seated when they quoted me 10-15 minutes, but that's mainly because I have no idea why that happened. Anyway, we had an amazing server who was friendly, fast, and most likely gay. B1 had him running with how fast he was downing his lemonades, so finally the server brought B1 two glasses with the comment, "You're a heavy drinker." Oh, if only he knew... I started laughing and have been giving him crap ever since. That was pretty much the highlight of the evening, since my once-delicious food turned into stomach cramps and--um, use your imagination--when I discovered a huge nasty hair only millimeters from where I stopped eating. My stomach is churning just thinking about it. We'll probably go back to Chilis again, because our waiter was awesome and because we have another gift card, but I'm definitely not ordering that dish next time. And we're not going on a Friday night again.

Last Sunday, February 7th, was even grosser than my experience at Chilis, but also funnier. In the morning as we were getting ready for church, I was playing with D. One of his favorite games is when we lift him into the air like we are going to toss him, but without letting go, and then bringing him back down. He always get a huge grin on his face. We may have another aviator on our hands... Anyway, so I was playing with D by lifting him into the air, but I was sitting on the bed so D was directly above my head. I was giving D a big grin when suddenly...*BARF*.... D spits up and it lands directly in my mouth!!! Luckily, we had a burp cloth close and I quickly wiped out my mouth, but B1 started gagging a bit (he, of course, saw the whole thing). I guess I was lucky that B2never barfed in my mouth as a baby. In fact, most of the gross stuff seems to happen to other people (like Beez getting B2's diarrhea all over her pants and newly-replaced carpet). There goes my streak.

That same day, B2 gave his first talk in Primary! I was so proud of him. I managed not to be a total dork and cry at how my little baby is growing up, but I did boast about what a great job he did and how he talked loudly (but not too loudly) in the microphone and only twice went off subject telling stories that inevitable would have ended with something Mommy and Daddy don't want the ward to know. :) B2's topic was "I know Heavenly Father loves me" and consisted of blessings we have been given that show that Heavenly Father loves us -- temples, families, the earth, and Jesus's sacrifice, to name a few.

Last week we had two unfortunate milestones -- first, it seems that D also has night terrors (it's going to be a fun couple of years...), and second, it appears that B2 is now sleepwalking in addition to having night terrors. Why can't I have children who have normal sleep patterns? Last week B1 was gone on a trip. I was up finishing a book; at about 11:00 p.m., I heard B2 calling my name. He wasn't screaming like he does when he has night terrors, but he was whimpering a bit, so I got out of bed to check on him. I found him in the corner of his room, sitting on his rocking horse, whimpering my name. I led him back to bed, and he was out cold before his head hit the pillow. It was really weird. I can't image that it was anything other than sleep walking, because he was not awake when I found him. I don't think it's related to the night terrors, or at least he wasn't have a night terror at the time, because he wasn't screaming his ever-loving head off. It was very bizarre. It hasn't happened since, so let's hope it isn't a common occurrence.

On the bright side, I think B2 is coming out of the terrible threes. He's still having some problems with pooping in his pants, but mainly the tantrums seem to be going away and the sweet boy I barely remembered is coming back. The tantrums/disobedience are the worst at night and in the morning, but he seems to be doing a lot better during the day. Though, I suspect that's easy for me to say, since I only see him a few hours a day most of the time.

California Trip

This last weekend we made a little family trip to California to see my parents and my brother and sister-in-law. It's one thing I love about being a pilot's wife--I get to go see my parents pretty much whenever I can break away from work. We flew in Friday morning. That day, the girls went and got a pedicure (I still had nail polish on from my last pedicure, which was before my sister's wedding...7 months ago). After that, K dyed and cut my hair. I went brown again, and she did a fantastic job as always.

On Saturday, we went to Griffiths Park. I think my parents took me when I was a baby, but I have no memory of the place. It was a blast! We started off with the world's fastest carousel--okay, maybe not, but I did get a bit sea-sick on it, not to mention the music was really loud. It was supposed to be a really old carousel; the music was powered by an actual pipe organ or something like that.

After we went on the carousel, we then took B2 on a pony ride. My boy is so fearless -- he LOVED the ponies! Grandpa bought him 2 tickets, so he got to ride the pony around the course 4 times. He kept yelling at the pony "Let's go pony!" to make him go faster.

After the pony rides, we went over to the miniature train that takes a little loop around the park. Grandpa bought B2 this little pinwheel, and B2 LOVED making it spin. He almost missed most of the train ride because he was watching those wheels move. As a side note, great job on the colors Dad -- Go Cougars!

Well, that pretty much sums up the trip. It was so great being in 70 degree weather in January, seeing my family, and having a break from the day-to-day grind. I guess it's time to start planning our next trip to California!!

Christmas letter

Merry Christmas!

Christmas letter text:
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December 2009

Dear friends and family,

Well, once again, I have procrastinated this year’s Christmas card, so you are all getting it through email instead of the actual mail. I would be happy to print copies of the picture for anyone would like it.

2009 has gone much faster than expected. I am sure that we have hit the point in our lives where time seems to continually speed up, but it still takes us by surprise every year.

B1’s life has been pretty consistent this year. He is still working at [airline company], and is still the Employment Specialist in our ward. This calling has been a great blessing for him, if for no other reason than it helps him be grateful for his job while he’s parking airplanes in negative-degree temperatures.

This year has been a little more eventful for me. I had planned on quitting my job when our son was born, but with the unstable economy and fear of Brian losing his job, I am still working full-time. But, I am happy to be at such a wonderful company. In June my baby sister was married the day before B1 and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. In August I lost my grandpa, and I miss him dearly. This month I launched my own business (mymommyshelpers.blogspot.com). 2009 has brought me some happy and some sad events, and I anxiously (and nervously) await what 2010 has in store for me.

B2 is still growing like a weed. He consistently ranks in the 90th-plus percentiles for height and weight. Despite being white, he might be able to play football for BYU after all. This year B2 has become potty trained, which has been the source of much happiness and much frustration for him (and his parents). He absolutely adores his younger brother, and loves his new babysitters Colby and Kristy (and their kids, of course) and his nursery leaders. B2 is now three years old, so he will be starting Primary next month. I think B1 and I got a few gray hairs once we realized our kid would be in Primary, but we’re excited to see him participate in the sacrament meeting programs. His favorite Primary song right now is Follow The Prophet, and he knows the first three verses. He also likes to regularly inject lines from the song into every day conversation, such as a few weeks ago when he was saying goodbye to his dad and told him sternly, “Dad, don’t go astray.” Of course, we’d rather he repeat Primary songs than what his mom and dad say.

This year we welcomed D.S. to our family. D was born in June, and is the happiest baby you’ve ever met. He is just becoming mobile by turning his body and rolling to get where he wants to go, and is trying so hard to scoot. He has the cutest smile you’ll ever see, and you’ll see it often. He hardly ever cries. Of course, I think the reason why he’s the best baby is because his first word was Mama. In fact, he still hasn’t said Dada, though Brian tries hard, and regularly, to get D to expand his vocabulary.

This time of year reminds us that we are truly blessed. We have wonderful children and extended family, dear friends, a home, and jobs. We hope that this Christmas season finds you happy and able to see the best in your life!

Love,
B1, S, B2, and D