What Am I Missing?

This morning I was in at our mechanic's shop getting my safety and emisssions test so I can register my car again. After that was done ($50 later), I went to the dentist. I was hoping for another great check-up (last time no cavities!), but would have even been okay with a decent check-up. Instead, I got the crappy check-up--one of my teeth is cracking, which means I need to get a crown put on quickly or it will eventually mean a root canal...and a crown. So, I can pay $400+ now, or I can pay a whole lot more later. I'm opting for the $400+ now. Oh, and I have a cavity too, so this next visit to the dentist will cost us almost $500. And this all comes after B1's recent vision check-up in which the doctor said his contacts were ruining his eyes and that he better find ways to not wear them as much or he'll go blind, so now we're looking into Lasik for him. Welcome Murphy...do you need a bedroom??

Anyway, so I was feeling pretty sorry for myself this morning, and was trying to catch up on my blog reading since I had so much time sitting around, when I read this blog post by a girl in my ward. That pretty much sealed my crappy day. I thought about last night. It was the first night I had seen the kids in three days, since I've been at our quarterly retreat for work. D was thrilled to see me, and it was pretty dang cute. He wouldn't stop smiling for several minutes, and that was without me really playing with him. Jr couldn't care less. So, there was a mild fight to get him in the car, and then we drove home. We fought over his dinner (he wouldn't sit to eat it, and didn't finish), and then I turned on a movie so I could have some time without fighting. After the movie was over, Jr threw a tantrum about going to bed. I managed to read him two books, since I was getting frustrated that he wasn't listening but running all over his room and jumping on his bed. With both kids in bed, the rest of the evening went pretty smoothly. Then, this morning, D woke up to a massive blowout, and I tried to hurry to get the kids showered and ready so we could go to the mechanic's and then my dentist (they stayed with Grandma and Grandpa W for this part). When B2 was showering, he managed to take the bottle of baby shampoo (which was about 2/3 full), and dump the entire thing down the drain. Goodbye money! At the mechanic's store, he was playing on the floor, got his hands dirty, then wiped his hands all over his once-clean face. He asked 400 times if he could have a quarter to put in the machine to get candy, gum, nuts, and pretty much everything else they had there. He asked to watch a movie or play a game on the broken TV. I finally sat him down with my iPod to watch Spongebob via YouTube when they finished the car and we were off. I dropped him off at Grandma's house without issue, and you know how the dentist visit went, so let's fast forward to the pickup. B2 threw a fit about leaving Grandma's house. He wanted to keep playing on Grandpa's toy ATV, so I let him stay a bit longer because I was tired of the fights. By the time we got home, we ate lunch (while B2 ran around getting maple syrup on nearly every surface in the house), and I turned on a movie so I could make baby food for D. By 1:30, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, so I put B2 down for his nap (D was already down), and I watched half of Pride and Prejudice before falling asleep.

So, why the pity party? Besides the crappy results at the dentist office, I can't help but reflect on Lara's post. Bedtime for me means something completely different. Usually, bedtime with my kiddos means, "Hallelujah, it's almost Mommy Time!" I look forward to it so I can stop fighting with B2. I look back at the last 24 hours with my kids, and I feel like B2 and I have done almost nothing but fight. What am I missing? Why can't my experiences with my kids be wonderful? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only mom (excluding the obviously bad moms) who fights with her kids or wonders if we made the right decision to have kids after all. I think we must be doing something right, because B2 is a smart kid who is semi-well-behaved (probably well enough for a 3-almost-4-year-old).

So, please pardon my pity party. I just needed to vent. I'm sure I'm a good mom, and I'm sure all moms have days like today. Let's just hope that the rest of the day gets better.