When I was a kid I wanted to be a doctor. I don't remember any specific reason why, other than it seemed the only choices in life were to be a doctor or a lawyer, and doctors made more money and had more prestige (few people ever say in joyous surprise, "Oh, you're a lawyer?" unless that's followed by a request for free legal services). Then I realized that the sight of blood made my stomach turn. And, since I believed that the only type of doctor worth being was a surgeon, I decided I could no longer be a doctor.
When I was an older kid, I wanted to be a lawyer. After all, the only two choices in life were to be a doctor or a lawyer, and I had already ruled out doctor. Besides, my dad is a lawyer, and other than working really long hours it seemed to be a good job. He told funny stories about the crazy things people sued for, and their audacity in thinking that a jury would actually award them money. The other lawyers in the firm seemed like good people, so I figured this could be a good job. Then, when I was 15, I worked in my dad's law firm one summer, and I realized that being a lawyer wasn't all dramatic court scenes and the glory of saving your client tons of money--it was a lot of paperwork, writing boring letters, and dealing with bottom-of-the-barrel loser lawyers who barely graduated correspondence law school, failed the Bar Exam countless times, and now were taking frivolous cases to court since that's how they made their money. And, I decided that law wasn't for me.
When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a psychologist. And not just any psychologist, but one who helped rape victims recover from their traumatic experiences. I researched it, and knew that I had to be a Ph.D, and that was fine with me. I also knew that I could make a good living with this career path, but really the appeal was in helping someone overcome what would hopefully be the worst thing that would ever happen to them, and return to a normal state of being. I had it all planned: I would take AP classes and college courses while in high school, graduate from BYU with my Bachelor's degree, go on an LDS mission, finish my Ph.D, get married at 30, and have a glorious career. Maybe kids would be in the mix, but not until I had at least practiced a few years to build up a clientele that would allow me to work from home.
When I was 19 (a week before my 20th birthday) I met the man who would soon become my husband. As things progressed, I realized my life plan was splitting. I could either take Path A that I had planned in high school, or Path B--get married to a pilot who would take me to live who knows where. So, I took the safe course--Path C. Path C meant start with a Master's program. If Path B turns out to be a dead end, I could skip the Master's program, go on a mission, and resume Path A. If Path B worked out, I could do the Master's degree, and finish the Ph.D. wherever hubby's job sent us, and then pick up Path A with the career.
Path B ended up not going where I wanted it to go. I had assumed the job would start sooner than it did and that we would have time to travel a bit before the kids came. Instead, I finished my Master's degree, started working in a completely unrelated field, and we started our family. We bought a condo that we now can't seem to sell, we're living in a state that my husband promised me while dating that we would not live in, and I so desperately want the dream house that it seems everyone our age is getting.
Yes, life did not work out in just about any way I had planned. On the bright side, I have a wonderful husband 10 years earlier than expected, two wonderful (most days) boys that make me laugh on a regular basis, a condo we can afford that's not ghetto (that could definitely be worse!!!), and wonderful neighbors. I finally get to be a stay at home mom to my boys. But, sometimes I spend too much time on Pinterest or Facebook and see what I still wish I could have: the nice, attractively decorated house with a basement for my food storage and a back yard for my boys; pictures of the thousands of places I want to visit; and so on. Today is a day that requires a lot of extra effort to not covet what I don't have (and, in some cases, never will), but instead be grateful for what I do. After all, I thought I knew what I wanted 10, 15, and 20 years ago, but look how wrong I was...
Showing posts with label Self-Pity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Pity. Show all posts
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
What makes a good mother?
Recently B1 and I were talking about mommy bloggers. I don't know how we got on the subject, but I started telling B1 about a blog post I read recently where the author talked about her fascination with "Mormon mommy blogs." At one point, she said, "Of course, the larger question is, are these women's lives really as sweet and simple as they appear? Blogs have always been a way to mediate and prettify your own life; you'd be a fool to compare your real self to someone else's carefully arranged surface self." I was talking to B1 about my two contrasting dilemmas in this blog: first, I try to focus on what's positive and uplifting, because frankly I become a basketcase if all I do is focus on the negative, but second, I also try to not be fake about my life. I don't try to claim that we have it all or that we're happy all the time. But, I guess it could maybe appear that way since I do try to keep my posts as positive as possible. Maybe that's because some days I need to see pictures of my kids at times they were happy to remember why I love them...but I digress. :)
So, anyway, today's post is going to be a little less than we-have-the-perfect-life type of post. I'd also like to invite comments, because I'm really curious what others out there have to say on this subject. My post is titled, "What makes a good mother?" I ask this question because it's a question I ask myself at least 5 days a week, usually after I have an irrational blow up at my 4-year-old or I just can't face the thought of making one more meal or folding one more shirt. So, what is it that makes a good mother? It's an important question. President David O. McKay said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." (secondary source) The Family: A Proclamation to the World states,
Ultimately, this question stems from a fear lurking in the back of my mind that I'm just not a good mother. Thankfully, that nagging voice of "You're not good enough" is a little quieter today than other days, but yet it's still there. Why am I not good enough? Here are some of the questions I think about frequently that lead me to think I'm a bad mother.
1.) Are my standards too high? Am I expecting too much of my children? For example, is it normal for a child who's been potty trained for almost two years to go a week straight of peeing in his bed at night, and for the same child to still be almost incapable of pooping in the toilet without my making him sit down on the toilet first? If my expectations are too high, where's some reliable information about what I should reasonably expect, or is it case-by-case (er...child-by-child)?
2.) How do I keep my children busy during the day without a backyard and without TV? I still work at home, so I can't just spend all day at the park with them.
3.) How do I stop myself from becoming so annoyed at everything that one child does while the other child seems incapable of doing anything wrong? (I think this goes back to question 1--I think my expectations are too high for one child and more realistic for the other. Oh, and I am being slightly dichotomous -- it's not really that bad.)
4.) How can I learn to let go of perfection? That's probably not the right wording. Anyone who comes to my house can easily see it's not perfect. It's never super clean, and I'm okay with that--as long as I'm the one who messes it up. If my kids leave their toys around, it drives me nuts, even though my carpet hasn't been vacuumed all week and my laundry room is nearly piled ceiling-high with clothes from the dryer...that came out of the dryer three days ago. Perhaps it's the degree of uncleanliness that children bring. My laundry room may be messy, but it's the maple syrup on the floor that wouldn't have been there if the kids were more careful. I mean, really, D is almost two! (Just kidding--I don't really expect him not to spill food. I'm just saying it would be nice.)
5.) When do you stop being paranoid? I am absolutely terrified of something bad happening to my kids. Not like falling off the bike bad, but like getting killed by some creepy neighbor bad. The linked case about Destiny Norton happened right after B2 was born. I remember holding him in my rocking chair and watching the story unfold, and bawling my eyes out feeling like I couldn't protect him. In many ways I never lost that feeling. If B2 goes around a clothing rack at the store or hides behind a car in the parking lot and I can't see him, I panic. I'll yell his name, run around frantically, and, in some cases, start crying helplessly. I know at some point that I have to let him grow up and gain some independence, but I'm just so terrified of all the horrible people out there that I just don't know that I'll be able to do it. I really hope this is something that gets easier as your kid gets older, and maybe my fears are justified given my kids' ages.
I guess this idea of me being a bad mom just bothers me more now than before because now I have no excuse. Six months ago I could easily blame my messy house or short fuse on my crazy schedule. I was spending 11 hours a day away from home and only 2 hours a day with my kids. Saturdays were jammed pack with errands that didn't get done with the week, so of course it would be a frustrating day. Some days I was doing it all alone while B1 flew all over the country. I felt justified in how life was, because I simply didn't have enough energy to change it or even to care. But, now that I'm staying at home, I feel like it ought to be better. I'm now a housewife/mother first, independent HR Consultant second. And yet my house is just as messy, my fuse is just as short, and my kids probably spend more time in front of the TV than ever before. What am I doing wrong??
I'm sure there's tons of research out there, but frankly I don't care what the world thinks about motherhood because they've got so much screwed up already. Instead, I want to know what the readers of this blog think. What makes a good mother?
Thankfully, I had a live-in example--my own mom. But, on the other hand, my mom was already a great mother--at least, by the time I was old enough to notice. Maybe she struggled at first too. I'm sure my brothers gave her even more grief than my kids have given me...yet. But, here are some things that I learned from my mom:
1.) Make your kids help you do stuff, even if it takes longer. My mom always forced me to help her make dinner. Sometimes I would grumble (silently, because I'd get busted if I said it out loud) that I always had to do the work while my siblings sat around and watched TV. Now, I'm grateful because I knew how to make some of my mom's best dishes. (Oh, and Mom, in case I forget again, next time you're up I want you to teach me how to make your fried rice!) This is something that I do try to do with my kids. Well, mainly B2 because D is still too small. B2 helps me make cookies (though it's a serious test of my patience because he'll spill flour on the floor or spill some of my perfectly measured vanilla on the counter top), and when I fold laundry B2 helps by pulling out the socks and underwear--he calls it a treasure hunt.
2.) Don't lie to your kids. My mom never told us less than what she was thinking, no matter how much I wanted her to. Sometimes, you just wish your mom would say what you want to hear, but I realize how much she would have been short-changing me to do that. So far, I think I do this alright.
3.) Continue to improve yourself. My mom was always taking some time for herself. She played softball, read, and took computer classes. I know that I get my love of learning from her (and from my dad too--he's also amazing, but sorry Pops--this is a post about moms.)
4.) Let your kids fix their own messes. I expect this is probably a continual thing--as they get older, they fix bigger and bigger messes. But there were times that my parents didn't bail us out, and instead made us fix the mistake. I remember watching my older brother patch up a hole in the wall after his foot went through it. If I remember correctly, he was made about losing in a Nintendo game, slipped on a magazine, and WHAM! Anyway, random story, but ha ha!
5.) Don't compromise on important issues. For me growing up, it was modesty. For my brothers, my dad taught the importance of how you treat women, even the obnoxious younger ones who happened to be related to you.
So, I guess the point of this post is twofold--first, for me to get it off my chest that I often feel like a horrible mother, and that I fear that my kids would be better off if they were in another home (though the thought of losing my kids makes it hard to breathe). Second, to ask some opinions of what makes a great mother. What is it that your mothers did that you try (or tried) to implement? For those that are mothers, what do you do that makes you think, if only for a second, "Hey, I might not be such a bad mom after all?" What is it about your children that make you feel like a successful mother? For example, B2's love of books means I did something right. We read to him a lot as a child, and he still loves being read to. I'm excited about him learning to read and hope his love of reading will continue. And some days, it's something as simple as D's big hugs or B2 saying "I love you Mom" that makes me think, if nothing else, I must be doing something right.
Okay....ready? Go and comment!
So, anyway, today's post is going to be a little less than we-have-the-perfect-life type of post. I'd also like to invite comments, because I'm really curious what others out there have to say on this subject. My post is titled, "What makes a good mother?" I ask this question because it's a question I ask myself at least 5 days a week, usually after I have an irrational blow up at my 4-year-old or I just can't face the thought of making one more meal or folding one more shirt. So, what is it that makes a good mother? It's an important question. President David O. McKay said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." (secondary source) The Family: A Proclamation to the World states,
Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations....Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children...We warn that individuals who ... fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.Wow...quite the expectations of what we as mothers are supposed to do, and such consequences if we fail!
Ultimately, this question stems from a fear lurking in the back of my mind that I'm just not a good mother. Thankfully, that nagging voice of "You're not good enough" is a little quieter today than other days, but yet it's still there. Why am I not good enough? Here are some of the questions I think about frequently that lead me to think I'm a bad mother.
1.) Are my standards too high? Am I expecting too much of my children? For example, is it normal for a child who's been potty trained for almost two years to go a week straight of peeing in his bed at night, and for the same child to still be almost incapable of pooping in the toilet without my making him sit down on the toilet first? If my expectations are too high, where's some reliable information about what I should reasonably expect, or is it case-by-case (er...child-by-child)?
2.) How do I keep my children busy during the day without a backyard and without TV? I still work at home, so I can't just spend all day at the park with them.
3.) How do I stop myself from becoming so annoyed at everything that one child does while the other child seems incapable of doing anything wrong? (I think this goes back to question 1--I think my expectations are too high for one child and more realistic for the other. Oh, and I am being slightly dichotomous -- it's not really that bad.)
4.) How can I learn to let go of perfection? That's probably not the right wording. Anyone who comes to my house can easily see it's not perfect. It's never super clean, and I'm okay with that--as long as I'm the one who messes it up. If my kids leave their toys around, it drives me nuts, even though my carpet hasn't been vacuumed all week and my laundry room is nearly piled ceiling-high with clothes from the dryer...that came out of the dryer three days ago. Perhaps it's the degree of uncleanliness that children bring. My laundry room may be messy, but it's the maple syrup on the floor that wouldn't have been there if the kids were more careful. I mean, really, D is almost two! (Just kidding--I don't really expect him not to spill food. I'm just saying it would be nice.)
5.) When do you stop being paranoid? I am absolutely terrified of something bad happening to my kids. Not like falling off the bike bad, but like getting killed by some creepy neighbor bad. The linked case about Destiny Norton happened right after B2 was born. I remember holding him in my rocking chair and watching the story unfold, and bawling my eyes out feeling like I couldn't protect him. In many ways I never lost that feeling. If B2 goes around a clothing rack at the store or hides behind a car in the parking lot and I can't see him, I panic. I'll yell his name, run around frantically, and, in some cases, start crying helplessly. I know at some point that I have to let him grow up and gain some independence, but I'm just so terrified of all the horrible people out there that I just don't know that I'll be able to do it. I really hope this is something that gets easier as your kid gets older, and maybe my fears are justified given my kids' ages.
I guess this idea of me being a bad mom just bothers me more now than before because now I have no excuse. Six months ago I could easily blame my messy house or short fuse on my crazy schedule. I was spending 11 hours a day away from home and only 2 hours a day with my kids. Saturdays were jammed pack with errands that didn't get done with the week, so of course it would be a frustrating day. Some days I was doing it all alone while B1 flew all over the country. I felt justified in how life was, because I simply didn't have enough energy to change it or even to care. But, now that I'm staying at home, I feel like it ought to be better. I'm now a housewife/mother first, independent HR Consultant second. And yet my house is just as messy, my fuse is just as short, and my kids probably spend more time in front of the TV than ever before. What am I doing wrong??
I'm sure there's tons of research out there, but frankly I don't care what the world thinks about motherhood because they've got so much screwed up already. Instead, I want to know what the readers of this blog think. What makes a good mother?
Thankfully, I had a live-in example--my own mom. But, on the other hand, my mom was already a great mother--at least, by the time I was old enough to notice. Maybe she struggled at first too. I'm sure my brothers gave her even more grief than my kids have given me...yet. But, here are some things that I learned from my mom:
1.) Make your kids help you do stuff, even if it takes longer. My mom always forced me to help her make dinner. Sometimes I would grumble (silently, because I'd get busted if I said it out loud) that I always had to do the work while my siblings sat around and watched TV. Now, I'm grateful because I knew how to make some of my mom's best dishes. (Oh, and Mom, in case I forget again, next time you're up I want you to teach me how to make your fried rice!) This is something that I do try to do with my kids. Well, mainly B2 because D is still too small. B2 helps me make cookies (though it's a serious test of my patience because he'll spill flour on the floor or spill some of my perfectly measured vanilla on the counter top), and when I fold laundry B2 helps by pulling out the socks and underwear--he calls it a treasure hunt.
2.) Don't lie to your kids. My mom never told us less than what she was thinking, no matter how much I wanted her to. Sometimes, you just wish your mom would say what you want to hear, but I realize how much she would have been short-changing me to do that. So far, I think I do this alright.
3.) Continue to improve yourself. My mom was always taking some time for herself. She played softball, read, and took computer classes. I know that I get my love of learning from her (and from my dad too--he's also amazing, but sorry Pops--this is a post about moms.)
4.) Let your kids fix their own messes. I expect this is probably a continual thing--as they get older, they fix bigger and bigger messes. But there were times that my parents didn't bail us out, and instead made us fix the mistake. I remember watching my older brother patch up a hole in the wall after his foot went through it. If I remember correctly, he was made about losing in a Nintendo game, slipped on a magazine, and WHAM! Anyway, random story, but ha ha!
5.) Don't compromise on important issues. For me growing up, it was modesty. For my brothers, my dad taught the importance of how you treat women, even the obnoxious younger ones who happened to be related to you.
So, I guess the point of this post is twofold--first, for me to get it off my chest that I often feel like a horrible mother, and that I fear that my kids would be better off if they were in another home (though the thought of losing my kids makes it hard to breathe). Second, to ask some opinions of what makes a great mother. What is it that your mothers did that you try (or tried) to implement? For those that are mothers, what do you do that makes you think, if only for a second, "Hey, I might not be such a bad mom after all?" What is it about your children that make you feel like a successful mother? For example, B2's love of books means I did something right. We read to him a lot as a child, and he still loves being read to. I'm excited about him learning to read and hope his love of reading will continue. And some days, it's something as simple as D's big hugs or B2 saying "I love you Mom" that makes me think, if nothing else, I must be doing something right.
Okay....ready? Go and comment!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
#Reverb10
So, last year I did the #Best09 Challenge, where each day I had to answer the prompted question. I really enjoyed it, and wanted to do it again this year. This year it's called the #reverb10. So, I'm a little late getting started (I was supposed to start Dec 1), but better late than never, right? So, let me get caught up.
December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
For me, I think the best word is BUSY! This year has been busy, busy, busy. B1 has been flying like crazy, we've been working our tails off to get out of debt, I'm still working full-time, my sister finished her senior year of volleyball (so of course we were at every game), and so on. Next year, I want my word to be contentment. I will be making a major change, going from working full-time to being a stay-at-home mom. By the end of the year, I'm hoping to get some type of routine down and I'm hoping to LOVE being a mom.
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Life keeps me from writing a lot. I'm sure I could spend more time writing, but then I'd spend less time with my kids or hubby. So, I'm not planning on making that change any time soon.
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
Maybe this is cheating to pick a moment so recent, but last night was my company Christmas party. I've never had such fun. We started off with dinner. Then, my boss gave everyone $100 in gold coins and told us to go shopping for an assigned person in the company. The twist? We were playing a game of Assassin (with dart guns we had received from him the week before). So, we had to shop while watching our backs. While in Big 5, I had a fellow employee try to gangsta shoot me (with his gun held sideways) while he used his wife as a sheild. In Costco, I shot a fellow manager square in the back. Outside Costco, I had a dueling war with a different manager as we ran in circles to avoid the other's darts. In Sports Authority, I had a James Bond moment as a I shot at a coworker while running sideways. After the shopping and Assassin were over, we gave and explained our gifts, and watched our Christmas video. This was the first time I had some embarrassing footage in our annual video, and I had a great time laughing at myself while my coworkers teased me. It was just overall a great night.
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
Having young children, creating a sense of wonder is easy. All I have to do is sit down and watch or listen to them, and I'm amazed. I'm amazed at how smart B2 is getting. In fact, just today I picked him up from the babysitter's house and he started singing a song about the different kids in his preschool class. He is a sponge, so I'm very lucky to have him in such a great preschool.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of a very good friend this year. Without too many details, the relationship had grown unhealthy. For a while, I felt very lonely. But, the sacrifice was definitely worth it.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
The last thing I made was food--of course. I'm always cooking. I made thumbprint cookies that were rolled in pecans. They were okay. I think I can improve on the recipe. This next year, I want to learn how to edit videos, and start editing our home videos and burning them to DVDs.
December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I have, even more so, developed community at my work. Now that we have passed the Christmas party, my resignation is looming near and it makes me sad. I will still be working there as an independent contractor, and will be in the office occasionally, but I will really miss the daily association with all the wonderful people there. In 2011, I really want to make friends in my home ward. Right now I feel like I get along really well with people in my ward, but I don't feel like we're FRIENDS. At best, I feel like we're neighbors. (I really hope this doesn't offend anyone!! Seriously, I know the problem is on my end--there are great people in my ward!) With my working full-time, I've missed out on a lot of opportunities like play groups, hanging out at the pool or parks, and so on. I'm super excited to jump into that as much as I can in a few more weeks.
December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
This is really hard for me. First, I don't think I'm all that different, and second, I really have no idea what I do that makes people light up. The only thing that really comes to mind is that I love to serve others, and usually anonymously (I don't want to feel like I'm serving for the appreciation, so I like to do it anonymously). Unfortunately, I'm not so gracious about receiving service...
December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
As mentioned previously, last night's Christmas party for my work ROCKED!
December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
I think the wisest decision we made was the preschool we chose for Bw. His teacher is amazing, and he learns so much. He absolutely loves learning. He's learning his letters, and learning to write them. He looks forward to his homework! He sings songs I've never heard that I'm sure he learns at preschool. That was the best decision we made.
December 11 – What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Wow...what a doozy! Here it goes.
December 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
This is kind of a weird question. I don't know that I ever feel like I'm separate from my body. So, my answer is pretty much always.
December 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Oh dear, you're in for it if you start asking me plans. My goals next year are to get back in shape. I want to do this by completing P90X. By that time, it should hopefully be warmer, so I want to start running. I want to run a half marathon by the end of the summer, and hopefully a full marathon next summer. I think I can hit all these goals unless I get pregnant (no plans for that now, but you never know...).
December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
Wow...there's a lot I appreciate. I think the one thing I've come to appreciate the most is living so close to family. We thought we were going to be moving out of state about a month ago, and I was so sad about the possibility of leaving my sisters behind, my brother, my in-laws, my extended family, and so on. So, as much as I hate living in the cold and I tend to complain about the state in which we live, I LOVE being near my family!
December 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
B2 loves attention. We took him to Trafalga's and he loved being with his mom and dad and going mini golfing.
D said Mama first. He now gives me hugs and kisses. He's a momma's boy, and I love it. His new thing is he likes to wipe my nose with a tissue. He's so gentle when he does it.
Rinz finished volleyball. I got teary-eyed when the last point was scored. I'm so proud of her. And a little bit jealous, to be honest.
Beez is pregnant. She looked so pretty last night at the Christmas party. I never understood why people say pregnant women glow until I saw her last night.
B1 has been working so hard for our family. He's so excited about finally being the breadwinner. I'm so excited about being the happy little housewife.
B2 and D love their grandparents so much. I'm lucky they have one set who lives close and one set that visits often.
E and K finally got their baby. O is the most beautiful little baby. You can see in K's eye how much O means to her. I've never seen E prouder.
CP has been so good to me. I'm going to miss being there every day. I need to find more people I can refer to work there--anyone who doesn't work there is missing out.
December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
For me, I think the best word is BUSY! This year has been busy, busy, busy. B1 has been flying like crazy, we've been working our tails off to get out of debt, I'm still working full-time, my sister finished her senior year of volleyball (so of course we were at every game), and so on. Next year, I want my word to be contentment. I will be making a major change, going from working full-time to being a stay-at-home mom. By the end of the year, I'm hoping to get some type of routine down and I'm hoping to LOVE being a mom.
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Life keeps me from writing a lot. I'm sure I could spend more time writing, but then I'd spend less time with my kids or hubby. So, I'm not planning on making that change any time soon.
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
Maybe this is cheating to pick a moment so recent, but last night was my company Christmas party. I've never had such fun. We started off with dinner. Then, my boss gave everyone $100 in gold coins and told us to go shopping for an assigned person in the company. The twist? We were playing a game of Assassin (with dart guns we had received from him the week before). So, we had to shop while watching our backs. While in Big 5, I had a fellow employee try to gangsta shoot me (with his gun held sideways) while he used his wife as a sheild. In Costco, I shot a fellow manager square in the back. Outside Costco, I had a dueling war with a different manager as we ran in circles to avoid the other's darts. In Sports Authority, I had a James Bond moment as a I shot at a coworker while running sideways. After the shopping and Assassin were over, we gave and explained our gifts, and watched our Christmas video. This was the first time I had some embarrassing footage in our annual video, and I had a great time laughing at myself while my coworkers teased me. It was just overall a great night.
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
Having young children, creating a sense of wonder is easy. All I have to do is sit down and watch or listen to them, and I'm amazed. I'm amazed at how smart B2 is getting. In fact, just today I picked him up from the babysitter's house and he started singing a song about the different kids in his preschool class. He is a sponge, so I'm very lucky to have him in such a great preschool.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of a very good friend this year. Without too many details, the relationship had grown unhealthy. For a while, I felt very lonely. But, the sacrifice was definitely worth it.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
The last thing I made was food--of course. I'm always cooking. I made thumbprint cookies that were rolled in pecans. They were okay. I think I can improve on the recipe. This next year, I want to learn how to edit videos, and start editing our home videos and burning them to DVDs.
December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I have, even more so, developed community at my work. Now that we have passed the Christmas party, my resignation is looming near and it makes me sad. I will still be working there as an independent contractor, and will be in the office occasionally, but I will really miss the daily association with all the wonderful people there. In 2011, I really want to make friends in my home ward. Right now I feel like I get along really well with people in my ward, but I don't feel like we're FRIENDS. At best, I feel like we're neighbors. (I really hope this doesn't offend anyone!! Seriously, I know the problem is on my end--there are great people in my ward!) With my working full-time, I've missed out on a lot of opportunities like play groups, hanging out at the pool or parks, and so on. I'm super excited to jump into that as much as I can in a few more weeks.
December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
This is really hard for me. First, I don't think I'm all that different, and second, I really have no idea what I do that makes people light up. The only thing that really comes to mind is that I love to serve others, and usually anonymously (I don't want to feel like I'm serving for the appreciation, so I like to do it anonymously). Unfortunately, I'm not so gracious about receiving service...
December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
As mentioned previously, last night's Christmas party for my work ROCKED!
December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
I think the wisest decision we made was the preschool we chose for Bw. His teacher is amazing, and he learns so much. He absolutely loves learning. He's learning his letters, and learning to write them. He looks forward to his homework! He sings songs I've never heard that I'm sure he learns at preschool. That was the best decision we made.
December 11 – What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
Wow...what a doozy! Here it goes.
- Negativity. I have a very nasty habit of being negative, especially about myself. I'll complain about my stretch marks from my pregnancy (or the hundreds of other things wrong with my body, mostly pregnancy-caused or pregnancy-related), my loneliness, my crows feet that are growing around my eyes, my hair that never seems cute, my clothes that never seem flattering, my disobedient kids, my inability to control my temper...I could go on. My life could seriously do without all this negativity. My goal for next year is to curb my negative comments. I want to try to give more service, so I don't think about myself so much. I want to put a little more effort into my appearance. I want to spend less time in front of the TV and computer and spend more time with my kids (I get more frustrated with the kids if they interrupt me while I'm watching TV or working on the computer than almost any other time). I think this can change my life because I will be happier if I'm not focused on the negative so much.
December 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
This is kind of a weird question. I don't know that I ever feel like I'm separate from my body. So, my answer is pretty much always.
December 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Oh dear, you're in for it if you start asking me plans. My goals next year are to get back in shape. I want to do this by completing P90X. By that time, it should hopefully be warmer, so I want to start running. I want to run a half marathon by the end of the summer, and hopefully a full marathon next summer. I think I can hit all these goals unless I get pregnant (no plans for that now, but you never know...).
December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
Wow...there's a lot I appreciate. I think the one thing I've come to appreciate the most is living so close to family. We thought we were going to be moving out of state about a month ago, and I was so sad about the possibility of leaving my sisters behind, my brother, my in-laws, my extended family, and so on. So, as much as I hate living in the cold and I tend to complain about the state in which we live, I LOVE being near my family!
December 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
B2 loves attention. We took him to Trafalga's and he loved being with his mom and dad and going mini golfing.
D said Mama first. He now gives me hugs and kisses. He's a momma's boy, and I love it. His new thing is he likes to wipe my nose with a tissue. He's so gentle when he does it.
Rinz finished volleyball. I got teary-eyed when the last point was scored. I'm so proud of her. And a little bit jealous, to be honest.
Beez is pregnant. She looked so pretty last night at the Christmas party. I never understood why people say pregnant women glow until I saw her last night.
B1 has been working so hard for our family. He's so excited about finally being the breadwinner. I'm so excited about being the happy little housewife.
B2 and D love their grandparents so much. I'm lucky they have one set who lives close and one set that visits often.
E and K finally got their baby. O is the most beautiful little baby. You can see in K's eye how much O means to her. I've never seen E prouder.
CP has been so good to me. I'm going to miss being there every day. I need to find more people I can refer to work there--anyone who doesn't work there is missing out.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Awesome talk
I really needed this this morning, so I'm sharing. (Source)
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Second Counselor in the First Presidency
My dear sisters, I am grateful for this, my first opportunity to speak to the women of the Church gathered together in all parts of the world. We are especially honored today with the presence of President Monson and President Eyring. The choir has touched our hearts. We have been inspired by the messages of Sister Thompson, Sister Allred, and Sister Beck.
Since learning that I would be with you today, I have thought about the many women who have shaped my life: my wonderful wife, Harriet; my mother; my mother-in-law; my sister; my daughter; my daughter-in-law; and many friends. All my life I have been surrounded by women who inspired, taught, and encouraged me. I am who I am today in large part because of these singular women. Each time I meet with the sisters of the Church, I sense that I am in the midst of similar remarkable souls. I am grateful to be here, grateful for your talents, compassion, and service. Most of all, I am grateful for who you are: treasured daughters of our Heavenly Father with infinite worth.
I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but the differences between men and women can often be quite striking—physically and mentally, as well as emotionally. One of the best ways I can think of to illustrate this is in the way my wife and I cook a meal.
When Harriet prepares a meal, it’s a masterpiece. Her cuisine is as wide-ranging as the world, and she frequently prepares dishes from countries we have visited. The presentation of the food is awe inspiring. In fact, it often looks so beautiful that it seems a crime to eat it. It’s as much a feast for the eyes as it is for the sense of taste.
But sure enough, no matter how perfect everything is, looks, and tastes, Harriet will apologize for something she thinks is imperfect. “I’m afraid I used a touch too much ginger,” she will say, or, “Next time, I think it would be better if I used a little more curry and one additional bay leaf.”
Let me contrast that with the way I cook. For the purpose of this talk, I asked Harriet to tell me what I cook best.
Her answer: fried eggs.
Sunny-side up.
But that isn’t all. I have a specialty dish called Knusperchen. The name may sound like a delicacy you might find at an exclusive restaurant. Let me share with you how to make it. You cut French bread into small slices and toast them twice.
That is the recipe!
So, between fried eggs, even when they are greasy, and Knusperchen, even when they are burned, when I cook, I feel pretty heroic.
Perhaps this contrast between my wife and me is a slight exaggeration, but it illustrates something that may extend beyond preparing meals.
To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are.
Perhaps you recognize this trait in someone you know really well.
The good news is that this also points to an admirable quality: the innate desire to please the Lord to the best of your ability. Unfortunately, it can also lead to frustration, exhaustion, and unhappiness.
To All Who Are Weary
Today I would like to speak to those who have ever felt inadequate, discouraged, or weary—in short, I would like to speak to all of us.
I also pray that the Holy Ghost will amplify my words and bestow upon them additional meaning, insight, and inspiration.
We know that sometimes it can be difficult to keep our heads above water. In fact, in our world of change, challenges, and checklists, sometimes it can seem nearly impossible to avoid feeling overwhelmed by emotions of suffering and sorrow.
I am not suggesting that we can simply flip a switch and stop the negative feelings that distress us. This isn’t a pep talk or an attempt to encourage those sinking in quicksand to imagine instead they are relaxing on a beach. I recognize that in all of our lives there are real concerns. I know there are hearts here today that harbor deep sorrows. Others wrestle with fears that trouble the soul. For some, loneliness is their secret trial.
These things are not insignificant.
However, I would like to speak about two principles that may help you find a path to peace, hope, and joy—even during times of trial and distress. I want to speak about God’s happiness and how each one of us can taste of it in spite of the burdens that beset us.
God’s Happiness
Let me first pose a question: What do you suppose is the greatest kind of happiness possible? For me, the answer to this question is, God’s happiness.
This leads to another question: What is our Heavenly Father’s happiness?
This may be impossible to answer because His ways are not our ways. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [God’s] ways higher than [our] ways, and [His] thoughts [higher] than [our] thoughts.”
Though we cannot understand “the meaning of all things,” we do “know that [God] loveth his children” because He has said, “Behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”
Heavenly Father is able to accomplish these two great goals—the immortality and eternal life of man—because He is a God of creation and compassion. Creating and being compassionate are two objectives that contribute to our Heavenly Father’s perfect happiness. Creating and being compassionate are two activities that we as His spirit children can and should emulate.
The Work of Creation
The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.
Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.
Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children.
You might say, “I’m not the creative type. When I sing, I’m always half a tone above or below the note. I cannot draw a line without a ruler. And the only practical use for my homemade bread is as a paperweight or as a doorstop.”
If that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination.
But to what end were we created? We were created with the express purpose and potential of experiencing a fulness of joy. Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things.
If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next.
You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us.5 The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.
What you create doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if the eggs are greasy or the toast is burned? Don’t let fear of failure discourage you. Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside.
If you still feel incapable of creating, start small. Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it.
Nearly a century and a half ago, President Brigham Young spoke to the Saints of his day. “There is a great work for the Saints to do,” he said. “Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ."
The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you.
Being Compassionate
Being compassionate is another great work of our Heavenly Father and a fundamental characteristic of who we are as a people. We are commanded to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” Disciples of Christ throughout all ages of the world have been distinguished by their compassion. Those who follow the Savior “mourn with those that mourn . . . and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”
When we reach out to bless the lives of others, our lives are blessed as well. Service and sacrifice open the windows of heaven, allowing choice blessings to descend upon us. Surely our beloved Heavenly Father smiles upon those who care for the least of His children.
As we lift others, we rise a little higher ourselves. President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “The more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley believed in the healing power of service. After the death of his wife, he provided a great example to the Church in the way he immersed himself in work and in serving others. It is told that President Hinckley remarked to one woman who had recently lost her husband, “Work will cure your grief. Serve others.”
These are profound words. As we lose ourselves in the service of others, we discover our own lives and our own happiness.
President Lorenzo Snow expressed a similar thought: “When you find yourselves a little gloomy, look around you and find somebody that is in a worse plight than yourself; go to him and find out what the trouble is, then try to remove it with the wisdom which the Lord bestows upon you; and the first thing you know, your gloom is gone, you feel light, the Spirit of the Lord is upon you, and everything seems illuminated.”
In today’s world of pop psychology, junk TV, and feel-good self-help manuals, this advice may seem counterintuitive. We are sometimes told that the answer to our ills is to look inward, to indulge ourselves, to spend first and pay later, and to satisfy our own desires even at the expense of those around us. While there are times when it is prudent to look first to our own needs, in the long run it doesn’t lead to lasting happiness.
An Instrument in the Hands of the Lord
I believe that the women of the Church, regardless of age or family status, understand and apply best the words of James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” Often I have witnessed quiet acts of kindness and compassion by noble women who extended themselves in unselfish charity. My heart swells when I hear stories of the sisters of the Church and how they rush to the aid of those in need.
There are those in the Church—both men and women—who wonder how they can contribute to the kingdom. Sometimes women who are single, divorced, or widowed wonder if there is a place for them. Every sister in the Church is of critical importance—not only to our Heavenly Father but also to the building of the kingdom of God as well. There is a great work to do.
One year ago in this meeting, President Monson taught that “you are . . . surrounded by opportunities for service. . . . Often small acts of service are all that is required to lift and bless another.” Look around you. There at sacrament meeting is a young mother with several children—offer to sit with her and help. There in your neighborhood is a young man who seems discouraged—tell him you enjoy being in his presence, that you feel his goodness. True words of encouragement require only a loving and caring heart but may have an eternal impact on the life of those around you.
You wonderful sisters render compassionate service to others for reasons that supersede desires for personal benefits. In this you emulate the Savior, who, though a king, did not seek position, nor was He concerned about whether others noticed Him. He did not bother to compete with others. His thoughts were always tuned to help others. He taught, healed, conversed, and listened to others. He knew that greatness had little to do with outward signs of prosperity or position. He taught and lived by this doctrine: “He that is greatest among you shall be your servant.”
In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers.
Conclusion
My dear sisters, I have a simple faith. I believe that as you are faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good. I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment.
As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage.
You are choice daughters of our Heavenly Father, and through the things you create and by your compassionate service, you are a great power for good. You will make the world a better place. Lift up your chin; walk tall. God loves you. We love and admire you.
Of this I testify, and leave you my blessing as an Apostle of the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Happiness, Your Heritage
Second Counselor in the First Presidency
Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness.
My dear sisters, I am grateful for this, my first opportunity to speak to the women of the Church gathered together in all parts of the world. We are especially honored today with the presence of President Monson and President Eyring. The choir has touched our hearts. We have been inspired by the messages of Sister Thompson, Sister Allred, and Sister Beck.Since learning that I would be with you today, I have thought about the many women who have shaped my life: my wonderful wife, Harriet; my mother; my mother-in-law; my sister; my daughter; my daughter-in-law; and many friends. All my life I have been surrounded by women who inspired, taught, and encouraged me. I am who I am today in large part because of these singular women. Each time I meet with the sisters of the Church, I sense that I am in the midst of similar remarkable souls. I am grateful to be here, grateful for your talents, compassion, and service. Most of all, I am grateful for who you are: treasured daughters of our Heavenly Father with infinite worth.
I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but the differences between men and women can often be quite striking—physically and mentally, as well as emotionally. One of the best ways I can think of to illustrate this is in the way my wife and I cook a meal.
When Harriet prepares a meal, it’s a masterpiece. Her cuisine is as wide-ranging as the world, and she frequently prepares dishes from countries we have visited. The presentation of the food is awe inspiring. In fact, it often looks so beautiful that it seems a crime to eat it. It’s as much a feast for the eyes as it is for the sense of taste.
But sure enough, no matter how perfect everything is, looks, and tastes, Harriet will apologize for something she thinks is imperfect. “I’m afraid I used a touch too much ginger,” she will say, or, “Next time, I think it would be better if I used a little more curry and one additional bay leaf.”
Let me contrast that with the way I cook. For the purpose of this talk, I asked Harriet to tell me what I cook best.
Her answer: fried eggs.
Sunny-side up.
But that isn’t all. I have a specialty dish called Knusperchen. The name may sound like a delicacy you might find at an exclusive restaurant. Let me share with you how to make it. You cut French bread into small slices and toast them twice.
That is the recipe!
So, between fried eggs, even when they are greasy, and Knusperchen, even when they are burned, when I cook, I feel pretty heroic.
Perhaps this contrast between my wife and me is a slight exaggeration, but it illustrates something that may extend beyond preparing meals.
To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are.
Perhaps you recognize this trait in someone you know really well.
The good news is that this also points to an admirable quality: the innate desire to please the Lord to the best of your ability. Unfortunately, it can also lead to frustration, exhaustion, and unhappiness.
To All Who Are Weary
Today I would like to speak to those who have ever felt inadequate, discouraged, or weary—in short, I would like to speak to all of us.
I also pray that the Holy Ghost will amplify my words and bestow upon them additional meaning, insight, and inspiration.
We know that sometimes it can be difficult to keep our heads above water. In fact, in our world of change, challenges, and checklists, sometimes it can seem nearly impossible to avoid feeling overwhelmed by emotions of suffering and sorrow.
I am not suggesting that we can simply flip a switch and stop the negative feelings that distress us. This isn’t a pep talk or an attempt to encourage those sinking in quicksand to imagine instead they are relaxing on a beach. I recognize that in all of our lives there are real concerns. I know there are hearts here today that harbor deep sorrows. Others wrestle with fears that trouble the soul. For some, loneliness is their secret trial.
These things are not insignificant.
However, I would like to speak about two principles that may help you find a path to peace, hope, and joy—even during times of trial and distress. I want to speak about God’s happiness and how each one of us can taste of it in spite of the burdens that beset us.
God’s Happiness
Let me first pose a question: What do you suppose is the greatest kind of happiness possible? For me, the answer to this question is, God’s happiness.
This leads to another question: What is our Heavenly Father’s happiness?
This may be impossible to answer because His ways are not our ways. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [God’s] ways higher than [our] ways, and [His] thoughts [higher] than [our] thoughts.”
Though we cannot understand “the meaning of all things,” we do “know that [God] loveth his children” because He has said, “Behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”
Heavenly Father is able to accomplish these two great goals—the immortality and eternal life of man—because He is a God of creation and compassion. Creating and being compassionate are two objectives that contribute to our Heavenly Father’s perfect happiness. Creating and being compassionate are two activities that we as His spirit children can and should emulate.
The Work of Creation
The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.
Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.
Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children.
You might say, “I’m not the creative type. When I sing, I’m always half a tone above or below the note. I cannot draw a line without a ruler. And the only practical use for my homemade bread is as a paperweight or as a doorstop.”
If that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination.
But to what end were we created? We were created with the express purpose and potential of experiencing a fulness of joy. Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things.
If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next.
You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us.5 The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.
What you create doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if the eggs are greasy or the toast is burned? Don’t let fear of failure discourage you. Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside.
If you still feel incapable of creating, start small. Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it.
Nearly a century and a half ago, President Brigham Young spoke to the Saints of his day. “There is a great work for the Saints to do,” he said. “Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ."
The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you.
Being Compassionate
Being compassionate is another great work of our Heavenly Father and a fundamental characteristic of who we are as a people. We are commanded to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” Disciples of Christ throughout all ages of the world have been distinguished by their compassion. Those who follow the Savior “mourn with those that mourn . . . and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”
When we reach out to bless the lives of others, our lives are blessed as well. Service and sacrifice open the windows of heaven, allowing choice blessings to descend upon us. Surely our beloved Heavenly Father smiles upon those who care for the least of His children.
As we lift others, we rise a little higher ourselves. President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “The more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley believed in the healing power of service. After the death of his wife, he provided a great example to the Church in the way he immersed himself in work and in serving others. It is told that President Hinckley remarked to one woman who had recently lost her husband, “Work will cure your grief. Serve others.”
These are profound words. As we lose ourselves in the service of others, we discover our own lives and our own happiness.
President Lorenzo Snow expressed a similar thought: “When you find yourselves a little gloomy, look around you and find somebody that is in a worse plight than yourself; go to him and find out what the trouble is, then try to remove it with the wisdom which the Lord bestows upon you; and the first thing you know, your gloom is gone, you feel light, the Spirit of the Lord is upon you, and everything seems illuminated.”
In today’s world of pop psychology, junk TV, and feel-good self-help manuals, this advice may seem counterintuitive. We are sometimes told that the answer to our ills is to look inward, to indulge ourselves, to spend first and pay later, and to satisfy our own desires even at the expense of those around us. While there are times when it is prudent to look first to our own needs, in the long run it doesn’t lead to lasting happiness.
An Instrument in the Hands of the Lord
I believe that the women of the Church, regardless of age or family status, understand and apply best the words of James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” Often I have witnessed quiet acts of kindness and compassion by noble women who extended themselves in unselfish charity. My heart swells when I hear stories of the sisters of the Church and how they rush to the aid of those in need.
There are those in the Church—both men and women—who wonder how they can contribute to the kingdom. Sometimes women who are single, divorced, or widowed wonder if there is a place for them. Every sister in the Church is of critical importance—not only to our Heavenly Father but also to the building of the kingdom of God as well. There is a great work to do.
One year ago in this meeting, President Monson taught that “you are . . . surrounded by opportunities for service. . . . Often small acts of service are all that is required to lift and bless another.” Look around you. There at sacrament meeting is a young mother with several children—offer to sit with her and help. There in your neighborhood is a young man who seems discouraged—tell him you enjoy being in his presence, that you feel his goodness. True words of encouragement require only a loving and caring heart but may have an eternal impact on the life of those around you.
You wonderful sisters render compassionate service to others for reasons that supersede desires for personal benefits. In this you emulate the Savior, who, though a king, did not seek position, nor was He concerned about whether others noticed Him. He did not bother to compete with others. His thoughts were always tuned to help others. He taught, healed, conversed, and listened to others. He knew that greatness had little to do with outward signs of prosperity or position. He taught and lived by this doctrine: “He that is greatest among you shall be your servant.”
In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers.
Conclusion
My dear sisters, I have a simple faith. I believe that as you are faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good. I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment.
As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage.
You are choice daughters of our Heavenly Father, and through the things you create and by your compassionate service, you are a great power for good. You will make the world a better place. Lift up your chin; walk tall. God loves you. We love and admire you.
Of this I testify, and leave you my blessing as an Apostle of the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
What Am I Missing?
This morning I was in at our mechanic's shop getting my safety and emisssions test so I can register my car again. After that was done ($50 later), I went to the dentist. I was hoping for another great check-up (last time no cavities!), but would have even been okay with a decent check-up. Instead, I got the crappy check-up--one of my teeth is cracking, which means I need to get a crown put on quickly or it will eventually mean a root canal...and a crown. So, I can pay $400+ now, or I can pay a whole lot more later. I'm opting for the $400+ now. Oh, and I have a cavity too, so this next visit to the dentist will cost us almost $500. And this all comes after B1's recent vision check-up in which the doctor said his contacts were ruining his eyes and that he better find ways to not wear them as much or he'll go blind, so now we're looking into Lasik for him. Welcome Murphy...do you need a bedroom??
Anyway, so I was feeling pretty sorry for myself this morning, and was trying to catch up on my blog reading since I had so much time sitting around, when I read this blog post by a girl in my ward. That pretty much sealed my crappy day. I thought about last night. It was the first night I had seen the kids in three days, since I've been at our quarterly retreat for work. D was thrilled to see me, and it was pretty dang cute. He wouldn't stop smiling for several minutes, and that was without me really playing with him. Jr couldn't care less. So, there was a mild fight to get him in the car, and then we drove home. We fought over his dinner (he wouldn't sit to eat it, and didn't finish), and then I turned on a movie so I could have some time without fighting. After the movie was over, Jr threw a tantrum about going to bed. I managed to read him two books, since I was getting frustrated that he wasn't listening but running all over his room and jumping on his bed. With both kids in bed, the rest of the evening went pretty smoothly. Then, this morning, D woke up to a massive blowout, and I tried to hurry to get the kids showered and ready so we could go to the mechanic's and then my dentist (they stayed with Grandma and Grandpa W for this part). When B2 was showering, he managed to take the bottle of baby shampoo (which was about 2/3 full), and dump the entire thing down the drain. Goodbye money! At the mechanic's store, he was playing on the floor, got his hands dirty, then wiped his hands all over his once-clean face. He asked 400 times if he could have a quarter to put in the machine to get candy, gum, nuts, and pretty much everything else they had there. He asked to watch a movie or play a game on the broken TV. I finally sat him down with my iPod to watch Spongebob via YouTube when they finished the car and we were off. I dropped him off at Grandma's house without issue, and you know how the dentist visit went, so let's fast forward to the pickup. B2 threw a fit about leaving Grandma's house. He wanted to keep playing on Grandpa's toy ATV, so I let him stay a bit longer because I was tired of the fights. By the time we got home, we ate lunch (while B2 ran around getting maple syrup on nearly every surface in the house), and I turned on a movie so I could make baby food for D. By 1:30, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, so I put B2 down for his nap (D was already down), and I watched half of Pride and Prejudice before falling asleep.
So, why the pity party? Besides the crappy results at the dentist office, I can't help but reflect on Lara's post. Bedtime for me means something completely different. Usually, bedtime with my kiddos means, "Hallelujah, it's almost Mommy Time!" I look forward to it so I can stop fighting with B2. I look back at the last 24 hours with my kids, and I feel like B2 and I have done almost nothing but fight. What am I missing? Why can't my experiences with my kids be wonderful? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only mom (excluding the obviously bad moms) who fights with her kids or wonders if we made the right decision to have kids after all. I think we must be doing something right, because B2 is a smart kid who is semi-well-behaved (probably well enough for a 3-almost-4-year-old).
So, please pardon my pity party. I just needed to vent. I'm sure I'm a good mom, and I'm sure all moms have days like today. Let's just hope that the rest of the day gets better.
Anyway, so I was feeling pretty sorry for myself this morning, and was trying to catch up on my blog reading since I had so much time sitting around, when I read this blog post by a girl in my ward. That pretty much sealed my crappy day. I thought about last night. It was the first night I had seen the kids in three days, since I've been at our quarterly retreat for work. D was thrilled to see me, and it was pretty dang cute. He wouldn't stop smiling for several minutes, and that was without me really playing with him. Jr couldn't care less. So, there was a mild fight to get him in the car, and then we drove home. We fought over his dinner (he wouldn't sit to eat it, and didn't finish), and then I turned on a movie so I could have some time without fighting. After the movie was over, Jr threw a tantrum about going to bed. I managed to read him two books, since I was getting frustrated that he wasn't listening but running all over his room and jumping on his bed. With both kids in bed, the rest of the evening went pretty smoothly. Then, this morning, D woke up to a massive blowout, and I tried to hurry to get the kids showered and ready so we could go to the mechanic's and then my dentist (they stayed with Grandma and Grandpa W for this part). When B2 was showering, he managed to take the bottle of baby shampoo (which was about 2/3 full), and dump the entire thing down the drain. Goodbye money! At the mechanic's store, he was playing on the floor, got his hands dirty, then wiped his hands all over his once-clean face. He asked 400 times if he could have a quarter to put in the machine to get candy, gum, nuts, and pretty much everything else they had there. He asked to watch a movie or play a game on the broken TV. I finally sat him down with my iPod to watch Spongebob via YouTube when they finished the car and we were off. I dropped him off at Grandma's house without issue, and you know how the dentist visit went, so let's fast forward to the pickup. B2 threw a fit about leaving Grandma's house. He wanted to keep playing on Grandpa's toy ATV, so I let him stay a bit longer because I was tired of the fights. By the time we got home, we ate lunch (while B2 ran around getting maple syrup on nearly every surface in the house), and I turned on a movie so I could make baby food for D. By 1:30, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, so I put B2 down for his nap (D was already down), and I watched half of Pride and Prejudice before falling asleep.
So, why the pity party? Besides the crappy results at the dentist office, I can't help but reflect on Lara's post. Bedtime for me means something completely different. Usually, bedtime with my kiddos means, "Hallelujah, it's almost Mommy Time!" I look forward to it so I can stop fighting with B2. I look back at the last 24 hours with my kids, and I feel like B2 and I have done almost nothing but fight. What am I missing? Why can't my experiences with my kids be wonderful? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only mom (excluding the obviously bad moms) who fights with her kids or wonders if we made the right decision to have kids after all. I think we must be doing something right, because B2 is a smart kid who is semi-well-behaved (probably well enough for a 3-almost-4-year-old).
So, please pardon my pity party. I just needed to vent. I'm sure I'm a good mom, and I'm sure all moms have days like today. Let's just hope that the rest of the day gets better.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Cabin Fever
Okay, I'm going to admit something embarrassing here, because...well, because I don't have any other great ideas for a blog post right now but I am feeling the urge to blog. I really, really want to be a stay-at-home mom (no, that's not the embarrassing part), but I am a bit scared too. Why, you ask? No, not the we're-quickly-running-out-of-money possibility, or the I'm-up-to-my-elbows-in-poop...again inevitablity, or even the I've-been-speaking-in-baby-language-so-long-I-don't-even-remember-words-that-actually-show-up-in-the-dictionary scenario. Nope, I'm mostly scared of the what-the-....-are-we-going-to-do-today and the I-must-be-a-bad-mom-if-I-let-my-three-year-old-watch-17-hours-of-TV-daily scenarios.
Right now, my weekends home with my kids are so packed because they are spent doing all the crap I don't have the energy to do mid-week, like go grocery shopping or cleaning the house. By the time I pick the kids up from the babysitters mid-week, I have just enough time to go home, make and eat dinner, and get the kids ready for bed, and then they're down for the night. There's no limit (exaggeration, I know) to the things that I can do to occupy myself, but how the heck do you occupy a three-year-old for hours and hours? I swear, they need an internship for something like this, where you can go to another mom's house (one with young kids at home) and watch all the creative and fun activities she does every day with her toddler. Or, maybe there's a book out there that's got good ideas, but not one of those thousands of books that says things like, "Play jacks" or "Push a big metal hoop with a stick and run after it."
I need to start compiling my own book of fun activities for young children living in hel...er, Utah...where you can't go outside for months on end without fear of losing trivials like toes. So, here are a few ideas I have, and I would LOVE any comments from others out there. This blog post will come in handy whenever I am able to finally be a stay-at-home mom.
* Finger paint - make as big a mess as possible
* Hide and seek in the house (or outside, if weather permits)
* Invite a neighbor kid over to play
* Make cookies, bread, or something else whimsical that the kiddos can mostly do (or decorate) themselves
* Color
* Go for a bike ride
* Walk the dog (because we WILL have a dog someday, dang it, and he'll love to go on walks to 7-11 just like my Scooter did before he got old and we all moved away)
* Write a letter to Grandma and Grandpa
That's pretty much all my ideas. So, I'm guessing you can see now why I'm so freaked out about being responsible for providing hours upon hours of entertainment. For those who have young kids, had young kids at one point, who hope to have young kids, or who just have great ideas, what else can I do with my kids to keep them entertained???
Right now, my weekends home with my kids are so packed because they are spent doing all the crap I don't have the energy to do mid-week, like go grocery shopping or cleaning the house. By the time I pick the kids up from the babysitters mid-week, I have just enough time to go home, make and eat dinner, and get the kids ready for bed, and then they're down for the night. There's no limit (exaggeration, I know) to the things that I can do to occupy myself, but how the heck do you occupy a three-year-old for hours and hours? I swear, they need an internship for something like this, where you can go to another mom's house (one with young kids at home) and watch all the creative and fun activities she does every day with her toddler. Or, maybe there's a book out there that's got good ideas, but not one of those thousands of books that says things like, "Play jacks" or "Push a big metal hoop with a stick and run after it."
I need to start compiling my own book of fun activities for young children living in hel...er, Utah...where you can't go outside for months on end without fear of losing trivials like toes. So, here are a few ideas I have, and I would LOVE any comments from others out there. This blog post will come in handy whenever I am able to finally be a stay-at-home mom.
* Finger paint - make as big a mess as possible
* Hide and seek in the house (or outside, if weather permits)
* Invite a neighbor kid over to play
* Make cookies, bread, or something else whimsical that the kiddos can mostly do (or decorate) themselves
* Color
* Go for a bike ride
* Walk the dog (because we WILL have a dog someday, dang it, and he'll love to go on walks to 7-11 just like my Scooter did before he got old and we all moved away)
* Write a letter to Grandma and Grandpa
That's pretty much all my ideas. So, I'm guessing you can see now why I'm so freaked out about being responsible for providing hours upon hours of entertainment. For those who have young kids, had young kids at one point, who hope to have young kids, or who just have great ideas, what else can I do with my kids to keep them entertained???
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